The Cheese Rind

Housing to the Oldies

2012-01-23T19:35:00.000-05:00

American & Laurel - November, 1950

American & Laurel - January, 2012

2012 - More jeeps, more recycling, more street mattresses. Fewer broken blinds.

Old Friends

2012-01-02T03:31:00.000-05:00

The List Game strikes again:

Analogue Marketing

2011-12-30T22:32:00.001-05:00

You know what I like about Philadelphia? How it takes 3 weeks to get the library card that was supposed to show up in 3-5 days. And how when it finally gets here it comes in a hand addressed envelope from the Rodriguez branch.

And that expire date written in black sharpie.

A Case of Mistaken Locations

2011-12-23T08:25:00.001-05:00

I left my house this morning at 4:05 AM to ride the holiday rails down to PHL. It's been a long time since I've flown out of a big airport during the Holidayz; Rochester and Madison never had much a line at security. I slipped onto my flight to MKE via DTW 10 minutes before scheduled take-off. Upon landing Svetlana showed me this:

It was a little unsettling. I tried to check in, which didn't help my case of the Oh-Shit-I-Got-Onto-The-Wrong-Flightsies. I was legitimately concerned that I had gotten onto the wrong plane.

Finally Qrank came through and straightened things out though.

Later, after landing in Milwaukee, Svetlana got herself all mixed up again. This time I was at Logan International. She knew one thing, I was definitely at an airport. Which one though?

Location:John D Dingell Dr,Detroit,United States

Ostruducken Hen, The Making Of

2011-12-19T23:56:00.000-05:00

Enter the 30s

2011-12-15T01:00:00.000-05:00

I recently turned 30. As the last of the Barnebey Brothers to do so, I felt some pressure to out-do the previous 30th celebrations at the B2G2. There had already been a luau/pig roast and a whole goat butchered and spit roasted—I was left with few options other than to out meat my older brothers. And thus the 30 Meats for 30 Years was born. And what better time to finally bring the mythical Osturducken Hen to realization!

We'd been batting around the Osturducken ball for a couple of years; ever since a late-in-the-night Thanksgiving conversation got us thinking about how to one-up a turducken—the turducken having become common enough to be unimpressive. The solution: stick the turducken into an ostrich, and while we're at it, let's stick a cornish game hen in there as well. And so the Osturducken Hen was born. And it was a glorious occasion.

Initial research led to gauzy South African references to an Osturducken of lore, although any documentation of such a beast having ever actually been produced was always conspicuously absent. And there was certainly never a mention of a game hen chaser. There was however frequent reference to the number of chickens which can be stuffed inside one camel for the purpose of roasting. If you ever find yourself with 80 chickens, a camel, and a large crowd to feed you know what to do.

The Osturducken Hen Operation faced resistance from all sides right from the very beginning, not the least of which was a strong current of paternal naysaying. The most pressing issue of course was where do you buy an ostrich from. Or put slightly differently, who would be willing to sell us an entire ostrich? Do not fall into the trap of thinking that just because you've seen an ostrich burger, or an ostrich steak somewhere that you can go out and order a whole bird from you neighborhood meatman. I've heard it before and it's not true.

Look into its eyes.

That being said, the search began. Philadelphia's usually reliable exotic meat merchants proved not only unable to supply us but also uninterested in the challenge. Internet research yielded countless ostrich farms, none in the whole-bird business. Eataly recommended going south, maybe South Carolina or Georgia. We considered it. Evan put in for a day off work to allow for driving time.

The search went on with varying degrees of intensity for months. Until finally, from the unlikeliest of corners, came the call: "I've got a guy with an ostrich. He'll kill it Friday morning for you. You have to pick it up though." And so it came to pass that Evan went to see my birthday present killed and kleaned on a Friday morning.

Still alive when he showed up, our bird was quickly separated from the herd, blindfolded, and shot in the head. With a supererogatory slit to the throat, it was drained, hung from a tractor, skinned, and gutted. Documentation of the process was allowed, but only with the stipulation, "Just don't put that on the damn internet." So I guess I won't. You probably don't want to see it anyway, turns out ostriches have a lot of blood hidden in those long necks.

Here is Evan demonstration just how long that neck is:

Are you confused by the geometry of that carcass? Don't worry, I'll explain. That hole up top is the neck hole. Then its back, which is where all the meats are located. And then the drumstick, cut off above the ankle. Here's a visual. Here's another:

First up was a quick bath in the kitchen sink.

And then backbone removal(!).

And finally the trussing. The (other) birds had all been brined the day before, but the deboning was still left to do. Here's a surprise, a duck is much easier to debone than a chicken. Remember that for the next time Padma let's you choose your own fowl.

With the deboning complete we stuffed a turkey into the ostrich, a duck into the turkey, a chicken into the duck, and a cornish game hen into the chicken. Then tied the whole thing into one ostrich-sized meat-bindle. And then wrapped it all in bacon, to seal in the moisture.

And with that we stuck it in the 4 foot hole Evan had dug in our dad's back yard, covered it with coals and hot rocks, and threw some dirt over it. Extrapolating from google's recommendations for cooking a pig in a pit, we estimated our ~130 lbs of meat would take 15-16 hours. We put it into the hole at the stroke of midnight. By 8:00 AM our remote thermometer had hit 160° F. It turns out we are nothing if not decidedly able to build an amazing bed of coals. Such a bed of coals that you can cook an ostrich in 8 hours!

Here's the thing though. The Osturducken Hen was only the beginning. The meat parade actually started off with a family-sized pack of Tijuana Mamas (300% hotter than a regular mama) which arrived by post. These little numbers were a fixture of Rochester Crew Springs for several years running, for no good reason at all.

And after that the meats started pouring in. Here is a picture of the B2G2 early in the afternoon with only one meat, a box of wine, and a bottle of beer.

Immediately after this picture was taken the table filled to the brims with meats, the keg was kicked, I was wearing a Taco costume, and all the Oreo™s had been deep fried. Because we had an industrial sized deep fryer. And Joanna had made me a Taco costume, so that I could play the part of a meat also. Or at least that's how I remember it happening.

Ostrich leg & associates.

One taco—lettuce, tomato, guac, and cheese please.

And also, the serious black & white polaroid taco. Because Vivienne (joint 30ther) is amazing and believes in the impossible.

The rest of the night? Mostly a blur of amazing, mixed with awesomeness and low-light pictures. Highlights included, but were not limited to:

The Meats
The deep fried quail
The deep fried pickles
The deep fried Oreo™s
The other meats
The Taco dances
The boots
The empty keg at 10:00 PM
The extra cases of beer
The Deep fried alligator

No really, THE DEEP FRIED ALLIGATOR. A winner for most unexpectedly delicious meat.

11. THE CAKE
12. The Meat List:

13. Late night deep fried fish.

14. The roast lamb.

15. This picture:

The Ukraine has no time for smiles, only winters.

16. And also this picture:

Giant bones require giant cups.

Final thoughts:

I'm going to buy my dad a deep fryer so that we don't have to keep renting this guy.

And, Darcy better watch herself the next time she's inside my Taco.

Taco Wrap

Frog of My Heart

2011-12-14T23:09:00.000-05:00

Tonight, instead of issuing ~$200 in tickets and towing my dad's car, an officer took a picture of the Frog in my passenger seat. I think the wig really sealed the deal. I drove away, as I came, without my license or registration. And with one more illegal left turn under my belt.

Drive-By DJ

2011-12-07T20:32:00.001-05:00

I walk within range of Russ Brown's unprotected wireless network every morning on the way to the El. When he leaves his speakers on I try to give him something a little unexpected to listen to in the morning.

Hello Mustache

2011-11-30T21:36:00.001-05:00

Goodnight Beard

2011-11-30T20:51:00.001-05:00

The Miller Wedding Sway

2011-09-24T19:18:00.001-04:00

It's not the first or the second Sway at Miller Park, but it is the first one on the field. And with sequence.

WB in WV, with JL & DM

2011-09-14T23:26:00.000-04:00

One time Joanna and I moved in parallel lines across the country while Darcy did her own thing and went the other way. That's classic Darcy, but are you getting a load of those lines‽ Who knew that Iowa City was only 6.53 miles further from Fairfax, VA than Madison is from Philadelphia? Remember that next time you're in a map drawing competition, it should help with the always troublesome middle west.

View Relocations in a larger map

Later, we all drove from our respective pushpins and met at this cabin in West Virginia. It's sort of in the middle of all of us, but really, are you getting a load of how cabin-y that cabin is? If you're keeping track, that's two loads you should have gotten so far. It was made for Swaying.

Here's something though, I'll admit that I don't know when this thing was built, but I am pretty sure that that sign is a lie.

Which isn't surprising since the town seems to have a fondness for Washington-themed lies anyway—see his "bath tub" below, which they admit in the fine print is only "a modern reconstruction of the primitive conditions prior to 1784".

It didn't really matter since we all took in some of the presidential water anyway. It was like the opposite of not chopping down a cherry tree. Think about it.

Georgie really did hangout around the area though. Best thing he left behind, besides fewer Indians? Sixteen-year-old-GW graffito. What a rebel. And also a gentlemen. And a soldier. And a surveyor. And a chiseler.

Other sights in West Virginia included this handicapped sand box and a mountaintop Jojo overlooking a partially incapacitated Darcy.

What are they looking at?

And then also angry mountaintop Jojo.

Look at those furrows.

Bonus Material:

The merry-go-round/centrifuge

"You bore me, Barnebey"

The games, snacks, other snacks, dranks, gummy snacks, other dranks, ROBO-Rally(!), microwaved s'mores.

What ist this? Still unsatisfied? Well my goodness, to that I say, LOOK AT THESE BONUS JUMP SHOTS.

The Cabin Sway

2011-09-13T09:42:00.001-04:00

Sway in the evening, time for a Yuengling.
Sway in the morning, points in the making.

Mountain Mamas in Flight

2011-09-12T00:11:00.000-04:00

Searchable Items

2011-09-05T05:44:00.000-04:00

Number 1 search term: my name spelled wrong and cheese. Also making the list, my name spelled correctly in quotes.

In which we go to Camden, and make it out of Camden also.

2011-09-02T23:00:00.000-04:00

Camden has a lot of things—like a bridge to Philadelphia, half a 2000m rowing course, the ~~highest~~ 2nd highest murder rate in America (doin' it St. Louis), and half the police force it did a year ago. We were more interested in their not quite minor league baseball team. Well, and that bridge to Philadelphia.

Here we are, on what could have been our last walk, headed towards some pubic transit over to The Jers'. I like this picture but I'm glad it wasn't the end.

It's a great little stadium (and that view‽), but they really don't make it that easy to get to. Once that round trip ticket you've bought doesn't work you'll have to wait until the PATCO lady comes over the station loud speaker to tell you (yes, you) to pick up the emergency phone. And it's not until she's done remotely managing your ticket that you get to wander through after-dark Camden over to the stadium. The thrill of it! These blurry times were had:

But so were these 4th row times, and these bird times. I don't know why that happened, but it did. And I love it, shut the door. Also, The Sway finally got into full gear.

We couldn't hang out in murdertown all night though; Roxyalotta was having a birthday bash. Everybody knows that the only thing more fun than Vacation Roxy is Birthday Roxy, so we weren't about to miss that. I came close when I broke both my ankles for a minute while Swaying, but we all recovered in time for some additional Philadelphia DANCING(!).

Where's the bus? Call a Cab!

Here's something that I want every person's visit to Philadelphia to include: late night bar sing alongs to Motown Philly followed by late night cheesesteaks on my deck.

Sunday. Day Three. Brunch. Bloody Marys. This picture, depicting our various states of array/disarray. The realization that Crapples is still stashed behind The Barbary. Finding it hidden right where you left it:

Then taking a good look at the place you had had such a good time at Friday night. In the sunlight. Feeling both good and a little scared about it.

In the harsh light of day: The Barbary

Day drinking. Everything. No, literally, we drank every single thing they had on their menu. We may have played every single Crapples card that's been made in the process.

Waitress Lex gets in on the action.

This is a great game to play at a bar actually. Find their list and start from the top. Don't try to order what you want because you can't. Your drink is whatever is next on the list. Which proves to be amazing, hilarious, and unfortunate all at the same time. Bonuses are accrued when the barkeep &/or waitress gets invested enough to search out rare off-menu items just for the love of the game. Losses are accrued when you have to pay the bill.

Here's what you don't want to do—leave your credit card on the table when the group finally let's you go home to New York. There's gonna be some extra shots on it, which is your own fault, Schwenn.

He left us! He left us!

Here's the part of the story I thought I might not tell. As bad as the crushing return to reality was when I finally returned to work on Tuesday, my funsickness paled in comparison to Monday's umbral variation on a Whitney. I had so many questions about what was going on inside of my body. There was a lot of laying myself places, and only eating bits and pieces of my grilled cheese, and doing the old shakes in the grass routine. After putting Katie and Lynda really close to a train to the airport without waiting to see if they actually got on, I went home and ate this. I think it was a good idea. If you come visit me I'll make one for you too.

Philly Phlavors

2011-09-01T23:48:00.000-04:00

It all started with this train coming down the track. Google told me that Katie, with a non-transmitting Lynda in tow, were just passing North Philadelphia Station. I was waiting at 30th Street with tokens in hand, it was all perfectly timed so we could walk 5 blocks from the subway to my house in torrential rain. T.A. Milne was just a few hours behind them, perfectly timed to not have to walk in the rain. A reunion! Of Wisconsiners! Intermittently arriving from New York City!

For a change of pace, we went for bier in groß glasses. And a rousing game of The Crapples. It felt like old times, except after some time had passed and in a different state. And with some guy who called himself The Meat Man.

Later, this face turned up. At which point in Madison we would have said, "We should be in Milwaukee so we could go to The Cat." But since we were in Philadelphia we went to The Barbary instead. It had everything—Dancing! Photobooth! A place out back to hide the Crapples Box!

That gleam in Tommy's eye? That's his, "I want to stay up and watch Episode 1 of Friday Night Lights" look. Believe it.

Other things Philly has to offer? Bus stops, stop signs, grass for lounging on while waiting for the bus, sideways dressers that people misinterpret as something actually exciting... it's all here.

Cobbles

There's also this brewery. It comes with some free beers and a faded 70's feel, complete with giant fans. There's a tour too, but that's not what's important.

Look at those girls blow!

Katie really only had eyes for this Kenzinger K they're keeping up in their rafters, but I couldn't stop thinking about the body shop next door. Where'd all those bottles come from anyway?

The view from the brewing floor.

How to top off a brewery tour? With a quick stop to that burned out brewery down the street from me, and across from America's first lager. Germans!

The Rivershark Sway

2011-08-25T00:08:00.000-04:00

It really is a good idea to make sure your shoe is tied before heading out onto the streets of Camden. Even if the only brawl you saw was on the field.

The Broken Ankle Sway

2011-08-24T22:26:00.000-04:00

Watch for it. Then watch it again. The streets of Philadelphia ain't no place for a wobbly landing.

The Barbary Coast

2011-08-20T10:35:00.001-04:00

Oh, remember photos? And THE BOOTHS? These people finally stealth-visited me. It feels right (sorry Darcy). Because obviously there's a photobooth a couple blocks from me.

International Beer Day

2011-08-05T18:40:00.002-04:00

International Beer Day, yes. National Beer Day, no. Get it straight.

New Beer's Eve also sounds like a good idea.

Das Deutsche Paket

2011-06-28T07:27:00.000-04:00

This brown paper package wasn't technically tied up in string, only the books inside were. That brown paper though—really satisfying. Plus, it reminded me to be on the watch for lady spies, which is something I think we've all become a little too blasé about.

Inside, German Today, Vol. One. Now, what with Polish F.A.S.T. and all those useful Telugu flashcards already in our possession, die Welt ist unsere Auster!

No Grain, No Pain

2011-06-27T22:19:00.000-04:00

This makes me want to do the opposite of eat these.

That's Not Right

2011-06-06T21:41:00.007-04:00

I-95, in Philadelphia.

Columbus Boulevard, in Philadelphia.

Ben Franklin Bridge, definitely in Philadelphia.

Quebec Route 366, not in Philadelphia.

The Rape Van Sway

2011-06-01T23:57:00.000-04:00

Do not approach this van, no matter how much it looks like that creepy guy needs help moving his couch. Unless you plan on getting on top of the van to do a sway.

Remember O.A.R.?

2011-05-31T19:42:00.001-04:00

Look who decided to recognize 38,363 of my past scrobbles. Also, look at what I was listening to in 2004.

The Working Life

2011-05-21T10:15:00.000-04:00

Sometimes work makes unreasonable demands on you. Like on Thursday when I was required to wear this pink paisley bow tie with a pink plaid shirt. Because losing my Theme Thursday hegemony was not an option. And, since Evan already owned a pink seersucker blazer, I was forced to go get some pink boat shoes.

From the series: Evan & I Standing Places Wearing Things

At least I don't own a pink jeans jacket.

Burger Obsession

2011-05-14T07:32:00.000-04:00

Work asked me to come up with some ideas for the backs of t-shirts for people working the grille at an up-coming shindig. It's surprisingly hard to draw an upper-middleclass hamburger.

Gotta Gett Gett

2011-05-07T14:07:00.000-04:00

This is the story of a journey. A journey in the grand tradition of last year's 1st annual Easter Monument Hunt. A journey to a crossroads of America's history, fraught with obstacles and detours, but ultimately ultimately ultimate. Don't read that again, just think about it. This year: More monuments! More commonwealths! So many more Addresses!

View The Gett. in a larger map

Delayed from a mid-week jaunt, we now had the whole of Saturday for jaunting en route to G-Burg. Conveniently there's a mass grave of Irishmen on the way, perfect for jaunting on or around. That PA historical sign is easy enough to spot off the side of the road in Malvern, but nearby isn't good enough. We had it on good authority that there was an unmarked stone memorial around as well. Which sounded right up our alley.

After faithfully following our directions of "a couple blocks north on Sugartown Rd., by the railroad tracks", we ended up here:

Physical Whiney/Virtual Whitney

Both physically, and metaphysically, lost. And very unsure about what an unmarked stone memorial would actually look like. We definitely would not have wandered the 50 yards down the overgrown dirt trail along the tracks but for one thing—foursquare, which has recently become a part of our lives. I couldn't wait to check-in to my first gravesite, and who knew there would be an accurate geo-tagged location just waiting to guide us right to this puppy? I for one, was surprised.

Let the jaunting begin! But also, see if you can read that big red sign. Because it doesn't agree with the state sanctioned one out by the road. Black diphtheria does sounds terrible though.

1834 - Black Diphtheria

Don't these tracks just make you want to lie down for a bit‽

Perfect for when you're having that really bad day.

What else does south central PA have to offer? You mean besides the Amish and their 6 horsepowered plows?

There's the town of Intercourse, which not only has this sign, but the American Military Edged Weaponry Museum too.

Jazz Blades.

I wish I could tell you that we were not those people who kept ending up standing next to something awesome, both on our iPhones, but then I'd be lying to you. Here's the thing though, this trip would've never shaken out without our mobile computing and mapping power. Here's another thing, all those location services we were using really get the old lithium ions flowing. After acting like we could continue on with only a single Apple product functioning at 17% power for a couple of minutes, we pushed the button at the Lancaster Best Buy and plugged back in. It was like an helpful Indian guide had just given us 3 sets of clothing, 2 wagon tongues, AND 500 bullets. We were off! To York!

York, PA claims to be the First Capital of the United States, but that's only because the Continental Congress headed out there for a couple of months while the British occupied Philadelphia. They did adopt the Articles of Confederation and sign the treaty with France there though, so that's sorta a big deal. To commemorate the latter event the Marquis de Lafeyette stands by the old courthouse drinkin' a brew, chattin' up the ladies, always ready for a little grab ass.

And finally, The Gettysburg. Surprisingly full of people and at least one pastor with a sense of humor.

We started our tour on Cemetery Hill. Which looks exactly like you think Gettysburg should look. Little stone walls and all.

Are you getting a load of that sky, and of that TREE‽

What with the cannons, both to the left and to the right of us, the logical step was to get onto them. Katie went for the tried and true Facedown method.

This picture captures the moment in which I said, "Get a picture of me working the cannon! Oh wait, I don't know how to act like I'm working a cannon."

Across the street at the National Cemetery is the address site, covered by Kentucky's monument now.

Mead, on a horse. Whitney & Katie, not on a horse.

Some Civil War math:

Casualties
Killed: 15
Wounded: 80
Total: 95

Looking out across the battlefield gave Katie the opportunity to reflect on Pickett's Last Nap.

And then reenact it.

Oh, sorry. That should be in sepia.

Even more facedown.

This rock came from Massachusetts. It makes me want to go to Massachusetts and steal all their rocks. I've never said that before.

This bugler may not have been our first hint that something bigger was going on here, but it was the most straightforward. Doesn't that look right?

And then we came upon Pennsylvania's memorial. And that guy at the mic said, "Welcome to Gettysburg's celebration of the 150th anniversary of the Civil War." Turns out that it's going to go on for all 4 years of the war, so there wasn't actually a whole lot happening. But there were all those people dressed up like old timers, and that baby dressed up as a little white dog, so that was pretty awesome.

After awhile we left and walked across the farm lands. Then I leaned against this barn and Katie took my picture. Later we got Chinese food. And it felt good.

Getting Back in the Habit

2011-05-07T00:47:00.001-04:00

Spring Break. A once annual celebration. After last year's Spring Break '94, there was at least one other thing to do—Spring Break: Back to Philadelphia. Darcy showed up with her party-culottes on which lead, among other things, to drinking by the train tracks, that picture with Kermit, and a party MVP award. I didn't vote for her, but I've got a good idea about who did.

Kermit, as usual, was over served.

By the time Katie showed up at beautiful Wayne Junction the lamb had been marinated, the cucumber had been 'tziki-ed, and all the spana was kopacetica. We celebrated Mary's loss of a son, but gaining of a god, with wine, bourbon, and rum from an authentic Englishman. Next time that happens I'm gonna need to get a picture of The Two Evans together.

Why you eyin' my Crapples boxes?

I'll tell you something though. I don't care who died and went to heaven, I'm not gonna not get the gang back together on a day like last Monday. The Philadelphia cast of BikeTUB made a day of it. With Evan, on his cruiser, leading the parade.

Not satisfied by her tour of the basements of historic Northern Liberties, Katie demanded a walking tour of Germantown—birthplace of abolitionism, Bill Cosby, and Monopoly. We sent her out with our leading expert in local history the next day for a tour of the sites literally minutes before the NYTimes guy was there to blow the lid off the whole thing. Continuing in a long Philadelphia tradition though, she and my dad got really close to a lot of colonial buildings but never actually got into to any. Here he is outside of Clivden, cheesin' as always.

Next up on the history list: Gettysburg. Originally scheduled for Wednesday, its postponement to Saturday was voted best decision in '011. In the meantime it was all BALLRs & tilts for us. It's called the highlife, you should try it sometime. But don't actually try tilt. It's terrible.

Livin' It.

The Cinc

2011-05-06T07:33:00.000-04:00

Cinco de May at ASI.

Another Sunday

2011-04-19T16:33:00.000-04:00

The more times that Evan calls to wake me up early on a Sunday morning, the more times I'm going to blog about chopping wood. Somebody has to be concerned about our wood supply though, so it might as well be the working class Barnebey. This Sunday we ended up at this log pile in Malvern with a U-Haul pickup. Next to a bunch of logs that we couldn't put into our U-Haul pickup. Jay, the owner of the pile, used his Bobcat to helped us get our wood load in, but there really wasn't a plan to get our load out.

Operations Management

Turns out, all we needed were our hands and a couple of hard thrusts.

At least we did get a perfect chopping block out of the whole deal.

I told you.

Honestly though, that guy on the left? The real deal. Don't let the half-chopped round fool you, Evan's got nothing on him. Which is why David will soon be going semi-pro in Europe. And surprisingly enough that is a true statement.

Suck it, Marky.

2011-04-18T21:47:00.000-04:00

Finally. It all pays off.

BLET, to cross the 200-Point Lead Barrier.

The Hammer and Stumper

2011-04-16T12:07:00.001-04:00

A couple of weeks ago my dad demanded that we spend a Saturday ripping out the entire side patio, leveling it, and then re-laying it all over again. And all because he thought those rustic hills and dales were becoming dangerous. As usual with our home remodeling/landscaping endeavors, this patio isn't perfect—don't look at those lines too closely. It is masterfully mediocre though, and vastly adequate. And it was just waiting to be broken in with an ~~event~~ happening.

Enter: The 3 Chickens. One mustard barbeque, one honey jalapeño, one bleu cheese stuffed buffalo. All three spatchcocked and brined. Grilling time: 2 hours.

Other benefits of this re-newed, re-leveled patio? It's finally flat enough to support a stump pile. I've been saving that top stump special.

We may not have the appropriate hammer but at least we've got these old timey nails. And the added excitement of tetanus.

This beer garden is really starting to come together. The Boot is already well established, and now The Stump? It's like Das kleine München over here. We're even on Foursquare.

Morning left-overs.

The 3-Variety Pack

2011-04-09T11:59:00.000-04:00

In the midst of a spate of spatchcocking, brining, and broiling last night, we realized we only had 3 varieties of Revolution Ales available. Which seemed strange. Because variety packs usually come with 4 &/or 6 varieties. Yards apparently feels the same way:

Maybe they're still working on Robert Morris's favorite, Tavern Lending Tree.

In other news, Alonzo does the dishes: '011!

Sunday

2011-04-04T20:52:00.000-04:00

You should watch me chop wood sometime. I'm really good at it.

Hammering old nails into stumps? Mediocre.

Even this guy beat me.

Empire Sway of Mind

2011-03-22T22:47:00.001-04:00

Late at night the streets of NY come alive with Wisconsin fans, especially after a Badgers win.

The Wonder Years

2011-03-12T20:56:00.000-05:00

Last week a high school friend of my dad's came over for dinner. They hadn't seen each other since they graduated in 1965, which is a pretty long time ago. There was a lot of talk about the old Newhall, CA crowd, mostly people I'd never heard of. But then the yearbook came out. Finally, I got to see a picture of Mr. Hurd, who we've all come to know for the infamous Dennis/Neil Switcheroo of '65. Also, I got to see all the other stupid stuff that's in a mid-60's yearbook.

Like these hairdos, and those head tilts.

And the stupid brave new world of automation.

And the girls of the month. Dependability might seem sort of backhanded, but really, in comparison to January's Miss Posture and February's Miss Neatness it seems like Cheryl actually did just fine.

And the Spring Sport Queens. Or even the Sport Queens in general, who obviously weren't actually on the team, because girls didn't play sports. They were just the Queens of them. Here we see the Queens of golf, umbrellas, wooden tennis, and baseball.

And the stupid advertisements in the back. If there's one thing that's going to make me want to buy a cabinet it's the relaxed no-pressure philosophy of Newhall Cabinet Shop. If my calculations are correct, Don Draper was about an hour away that winter busy finger painting on walls and propositioning his fake niece. I don't know why someone didn't call him up for a little pro bono work.

And get a load of this personalized service, for men & boys.

Pretzel Day

2011-03-11T22:19:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, this happened.

Here, There, and Other Places

2011-03-06T20:28:00.000-05:00

This is the story of me taking the bus to Minneapolis, driving to Osseo and then Baraboo, flying to Philadelphia, interviewing for a job, driving to Chicago, driving to Milwaukee, driving to Madison, driving to Philadelphia, flying to Milwaukee, driving to Chicago, going to a wedding, driving to Milwaukee, flying to Philadelphia, taking a bus to New York, getting on a winnebago to Atlantic City, taking the train to Philadelphia, flying to Madison, throwing a party (topped with another party), doing a Sway, loading a truck with all my belongings, having my flight cancelled, driving to Milwaukee, flying to Philadelphia, and then taking the train home. Below, an incomplete pictorial:

Except for the fact that there was a snow storm winding down, the trip started well. I had snacks and coffees, and various other beverages.

Snacks/dranks.

Not to mention maps. Mostly of Maryland, but with a couple pieces of a some more useful ones mixed in too. Like this ⅔ of a Pennsylvania Official Transport Map I found in the door.

Maps/snaps.

By the time I passed Jersey Shore the snow was done. But so was the coffee. And the snacks.

Central Pennsylvania.

And then they shut down I-80. If there's one thing I'm not interested in, it's a truck-jam. Thank god I had that piece of a map handy.

A long line of TRUUCKS.

Chicago offered the Skoczenator, submarine warfare, and a chance to catch up on some of my kreepier correspondences. And then onto WI!

Notes.

I don't really remember anything else until I was at this train station last week, going to the airport directly from work for the second time in a month. This time I was carrying my Bag O'Bags. FYI: it turns out that 8 bags stuffed inside of one really big bag ends up weighing 61 lbs. It was worth the check-in lady telling me I was going to have to spend the night in Cincinnati to avoid the overweight fees she let me slip out of.

Checked bag.

Enclosed bags.

It was nice to have all of 'em when we stripped my apartment down though. And just in time for Katie's surprise birthday party, followed a ½ hour later by my surprise going away party. Somehow these are the only two pictures from either event in which we don't look grossly unattractive.

Party #1: Happy Birthday Katie

Party #2: Goodbye Whitney

The measurin' wall, after its last measure:

Apartment heights: 5'2"-6'3"

What was left? Just to pack up this comically over-sized truck and send my dad on his way. Three days later he finally made it back to Philadelphia and my things went from filling a ⅓ of the truck to filling a ⅓ of the living room.

The truck of another size.

There's still room for that car I don't own.

Frog legs with a side of pickle.

The Goodbye Sway

2011-03-05T11:45:00.000-05:00

I had to say goodbye to Wisconsin. It was emotional, and re-motional. I think I may have let my body slip into her soul; I know I definitely was inside of her at one point. I probably cried a little too.

Gone Down to Jers

2011-02-20T23:33:00.001-05:00

This one time I took the bus up to New York to meet Tommy for his friend Jess's birthday. And then when I finally got there we immediately got onto her birthday party bus and set off for Atlantic City, because I was late and Jersey is always looking for a party. And of course by party bus, I mean a retrofitted Winnebago. With a non-functional mini-stereo cord. First stop: the Jersey City Best Buy.

By the time that was taken care of our 40s were gone, I'd already gone to the bathroom once, and Tommy had started demanding Ron-ron juice. Luckily somebody had brought the Four, and in the elusive lemonade coloring too.

What was waiting for us in AC? Providence—"The premier nightlife spot in Atlantic City." In The Quarter. Little did I know that a bar in a mall in Atlantic City wouldn't let me in because I was wearing sneakers. It could have been worse, I could've been wearing an oversized shirt too. At some point there was a plan to sneak Tommy's shoes back out of the place for me. I don't think I was a big fan of that plan because I disappeared into the back hallways instead.

The good news is that I found a back door into Providence, past the bouncers. The bad news is the 2nd entrance desk, which I hadn't planned for. And the security guy who yelled out, "He's got sneakers on, get him outta here!" That sent me back into the nether regions, and eventually to the roof. Looking back on it, ending up on the roof of The Tropicana Resort & Casino isn't all that surprising. You always want to attain the high ground in these types of situations. Plus, I really like roofs. Look at all these terrible pictures I took while I was up there!

Don't think this is over yet though. Upon my descent I ran into Tommy again. Just sittin'. Not looking for me, just hanging out by the fountain. Then he gives me his phone and walks away. He may have been going to the bathroom, I'm not sure. I am sure that that was the last time I saw him or anyone else from our party. And that I had his phone, so I couldn't call him.

Eventually I gave up waiting, and went looking. All I found was this on a men's room stall. The best case scenario is that someone had really muddy shoes. In the bathroom of an indoor mall. There are also other scenarios.

Here's what happened next. I spent 30-40 minutes walking around this place, Jersey on all sides, before realizing I was alone, it was 4:00 o'clock in the morning, and the party bus was long gone. You might not think it at first, but Atlantic City really isn't that bad of a place to get left behind by a party bus. I mean the emotions are hard to take, but at least there's a train station. And a $10 train to Philadelphia. So really, it's sort of right up my alley. Or at least inside my wheel well.

At 8:00 this morning I walked from the train station to Newhall street, ate a sandwich, plugged in Tommy's phone, and went to bed. Look at that light.

Wanna know something funny? The Winnebago broke down on the way home. The heat stopped working, the state troopers were called, and ~~the McDonald's~~ Burger King's milkshake machine wasn't working. Also, it turns out I got home first. So, suck it Schwenn.

Mobile Gases

2011-02-18T20:49:00.001-05:00

The old neighborhood has always had an interesting gas station culture. For a long time we had a 76 up at the top of the hill. Remember 76s‽ With those big orange balls? Weird. That went out of business circa 1991 though, right in the middle of our collective paisley phase. Since then it's tended to change hands every year or two—sometimes it's a name brand, sometimes not. Then a couple of years ago it turned into the first Valero I'd ever seen on the East Coast. That theoretically brought with it a Dunkin' Donuts, but it also only theoretically brought donuts and coffee, since it was rarely ever actually time to make the donuts.

It's not a Valero anymore though, even while the Dunkin' seems to be getting itself together. Now it just has a big black dot on the sign. It might be incorrect to think it's gone rogue again though, there's another Valero-turned-black-dot station nearby. Surprisingly it manages to be slightly more sketchy, supplying neither donuts nor credit card readers, but it may be part of a newly founded gas chain.

Then there's the Costal station up by work. Which still uses Mobile pumps. And stationary.

Oh, hey.

2011-02-11T01:02:00.000-05:00

Task: Tie Tuesday

2011-02-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

Evan started Tie Tuesday at Fuji a couple years ago after the success of Thai Tuesday at the B2G2. Recently it's fallen on some hard times, or at least low participation rates. It's a cause I've gotten behind.

Pie of My Heart

2011-02-08T07:18:00.000-05:00

First look at this Wisconsin-themed pie. It's no Letter Pie, but I did make it with all the mildly strong affection in my heart. And ginger, which I guess was the secret ingredient. Suck it Pierogi-town.

Then look at this grainy video of some celebratory Packers Dances. No, the 3rd and final dance has not been artificially sped up, we were just moving that fast.

Packers Polka from wbarnebey on Vimeo.

A Life I Would Not Want

2011-02-05T14:48:00.000-05:00

That's a worm living in a jar of cayenne pepper. There's a whole colony in there you can't really see. It's like an ant farm, but in hot, burning sand. Can you imagine living your entire live completely encased in ground cayenne? It sounds like an essay topic we'd have to write in 8th grade, right after 5 pages on "Life Inside a Ping Pong Ball" and "Contemplations on The Yellow Wall...".

Sweater Thursday: The New Class

2011-02-03T19:53:00.000-05:00

This Monday I went to work. It was weird because I haven't gone to work in a long time, and I haven't gone to a job not at a university since The Year 2000. Also, I went to work in Philadelphia. Because I live here now. What, you hadn't heard? That's because I didn't really tell anybody.

Anyway, I spend my days sitting at a medium-sized desk outside of Evan's office keeping track of intercontinental orders, shipments, and the numbers associated with them. It's not exactly exciting, but it has a salary, and I get to play with spreadsheets all the time. You know what I've always said about me and spreadsheets.

More to the point, today was my 1st Thursday of employment. A whole new audience for my sweaters! I forgot to take my camera to work—or maybe I didn't want to be the guy taking pictures of himself so early in my career—so this is not me at my new medium-sized desk. Instead, it's me. At my dad's house. In a sweater. Holding a key fob. Which is the only thing I have to show for my hours of toil so far.

Reader Stats

2011-01-20T23:24:00.001-05:00

That little Indian flag feels good. Really good. But Swedesboro, NJ? Looks like I've found my ~~Naperville~~ Shaumburg.

Impromptu Bar-ing

2011-01-20T22:13:00.001-05:00

I don't know why 7th Street turned out to be Osseo, WI's main street, but it is. I don't know how we found Jen's Swing Inn Bar that far from the interstate, but we did. I don't know when we showed up there last Monday night, but that happened too. I don't know what the rest of Osseo's 1,600 residents were doing, but Jen and her bartender Jesse were there. And that was really all we needed. They beat us in pool twice, but they made up for it with free shots and money for the jukebox. Suck it Eau Claire.

View Larger Map

10 Months Early

2011-01-20T21:34:00.000-05:00

That age estimation doesn't really seem fair.

My Sweet Grey-Hund

2011-01-14T20:51:00.003-05:00

Greyhound started offering an express service from Madison to Minneapolis, Milwaukee, and Chicago in December. I think that probably means that somebody from headquarters finally saw a crowd of people waiting by a MegaBus somewhere and decided to get on the bus too. Ha! Anyway, last time I went Minneapolis for a wedding I took the reggie-style 'Hound since MegaBus has a penchant for stopping in Madison at 3:00AM. And that event does not interest me.

So I bought a $9 ticket a couple weeks ago on the Express. Then this morning I bought a $1 return ticket, because I've finally learned my lesson about not buying tickets that cost $1. Even if you're not exactly sure when you're going to want to leave, spend the dollar anyway. It's a dollar. It's worth it.

Things began poorly after I mis-recalculated the time by adding an hour to what my watch was telling me, forgetting I wasn't on the East Coast anymore. Maybe I should start changing my watches when I travel.

That meant I was an hour early and had time to drink an oversized mug of coffee, and tell Darcy how she's been one small disappointment after another. The trip took a turn north when I got on the bus, saw the other 4 passengers, the power outlet between my legs, and logged onto the Greyhound Network. And then actually did turn north on I-94.

Location:Tomah, WI

His 3 Sons

2011-01-10T21:14:00.000-05:00

Christmas came and went. Taylor and I gave each other remarkably similar ties, there was a leather jacket involved, and a surprisingly small number of bottles of alcohol gifted about this year. On the upside, Taylor's a robot now.

Christmas is Coming (FInally)

2011-01-06T20:47:00.000-05:00

Guess which ones are from me.

Just some light reading while I'm at home

2011-01-05T13:44:00.000-05:00

Christmas is All Around.

2011-01-03T23:52:00.001-05:00

Remember Christmas? I do. I've been forcing my family to postpone ours until January for a couple of years now. Someday they'll finally just admit that we celebrate The Epiphany now, '012 isn't that year though. Until then, it's Christmas in January.

You know what Wisconsin does well though? Christmas. I mean look at this thing. Just the vest of the sweater‽ That's how you do Christmas. Even if I did have to sneak it into the Bolshevik Labour Celebration.

It's not a one trick pony though. Not even a one trick pony wearing socks. First there was the Scalon party back in Madison. With the drinking, and the cheeses, and the hung over breakfasts. And the Draper Schwenn. That guy. I don't know what to do with him.

Except take a picture with him. Cause he doesn't know how to do that yet. And it'll make you fell better about yourself.

Final stop on the Christmas trolley? Fond du Lac. Sorry, the FdL. One of these people is about to leave for Central India. No, it's not the girl in the purple hat.

It's not that dog either. I told her not to kiss me, little good that did me. It took her a while but she eventually wore herself out with all that lap-standing.

After that it was straight up lounging time. Couch lounging, chair lounging, floor lounging. It all happened. And it happened with socks on. Deal with it.

Remember, Big Cola wishes you a 3.30 liter Christmas.

Everybody Breaks, Sometimes.

2011-01-03T00:40:00.001-05:00

Robots have feelings too.

The Lazy Man's Olde Fashioned

2010-12-09T18:55:00.000-05:00

It's snowing in Madison. And I'm over muddling,

Library Clean Up

2010-12-08T17:30:00.000-05:00

Musical standardization really sets my hard drive a-spin. The upside is watching my Play Density neatly propagate itself every Friday afternoon. The downside is shoddy labeling and useless metadata in my library. Nothing gets my goat like seeing an artist listed in my library 5 times because of an alternate spelling or extra space. To that end I've got my Artist, Album, and Genre fields Germanly regularized, along with well established conventions for listing featured artists, associating tracks, and assigning ratings. Until today though the Lyrics field has eluded my teutonical keystrokes due to a combination of its low visibility and relative inaccessibility in iTunes. Today I say, "No to @ThatHustle and no to this kind of crap on my screen."

So, with a little help from Doug's Applescript site, I've modified some scripts to help me fix my Lyric Problem. And now you can too:

Lyric Playlist.zip

Directions:
1. Care that you have random stuff in your lyrics field.
2. Own an Apple computer.
3. Download file: Lyric Playlist.zip and decompress it.
4. Run file.

This will search either your entire music library or a specific playlist, depending on what you have selected in iTunes at the time, and make a new playlist called "Lyricality" containing only those songs with between 1 and 200 characters in their Lyrics field. The 200 character limit should weed out tracks containing legitimate song lyrics.

5. Delete the lyrics info manually from the tracks in Lyricality, or use Doug's handy Delete Lyrics script to delete the lyrics field from selected tracks.

I feel better, do you?

TG Ds and DNs

2010-12-07T17:29:00.000-05:00

DO NOT:

➠ try to spatchcock a goose. It's not a chicken, get over it.

➠ cook your gingersnap crust for 45 minutes, Darcy.

➠ leave your matches next to the stove.

➠ mistake the garbage bowl for the salad bowl.

DO:
➠ wear Joanna's Turkey Hat at the dinner table.

➠ build a fire; roast your goose on a fire

➠ stay up late playing drinking games with your dad.

80% of Self-Worth

2010-12-07T12:34:00.000-05:00

My defeat by the dark horse Lynda in the monthly QRANK Finals was hard to take. And yes, I did turn to spreadsheets in my hour of need. A Top-Chef Fantasy League? Ever heard of it? There's nothing like an award to get you back up on your feet though. My Sports All-Star came through this morning, leaving me just one short of the QRANK All-Star septfecta. It feels good, it really does.

Photo Day

2010-12-04T11:05:00.000-05:00

I've always liked this picture of Evan and I because it captures how much of a dork Evan has always been and how I was always a little too cool for school/easily distracted. Also, that I've always been a bit of a drooler. And into belts with alligator buckles.

What I've never seen before is this behind-the-scenes footage. Look at that hair preparation! More importantly, what do you think finally made me give up on my brush and realize what my hair really needed was that comb? I've never gone back, brushes are for bozos.

Honestly though, I've only recently become too cool for school.

September 1987: 1st day of school

Brothers In Plaid

2010-11-29T19:54:00.000-05:00

It's Time to Start Hoarding

2010-11-21T12:34:00.000-05:00

The Years of My Lives

2010-11-20T13:39:00.003-05:00

I took this trip to California a couple of weeks ago and only took this one picture. I mean it's a nice picture, I like it. A smattering of Barnebey's watching the salmon run behind the Truett-Hurst Winery? I say yes. But where's my picture of David and me hangin' in the playground, drinking some big beers on the swings? Or that one of my dad riding a cable car, telling me how as a little boy in America he dreamed of growing up to drive the cables? I really dropped the ball on that one.

Then I went to Oklahoma to hold a baby and got so distracted by the bright lights that I didn't even turn my camera on. I do not know what is up with that.

I did successfully turn 29 though. And by successfully, I mean I threw up on my bedroom floor tuesday night. I'm on top of the hill! Look at all these sweet things I got to make up for it:

Pictorial Webster's: A Visual Dictionary of Curiosities. Darcy claimed her spot as 1st Gifter with this little volume, which to be fair showed up several weeks early. You can't go wrong with an octopus like that on your cover. And it fits in on my bookshelf perfectly, right between Dental Prosthetics and Glands.

Transit Maps of the World. This book‽ I don't know how my dad knew I'd be interested in a book that combined history, maps, and transit systems, but I have secretly been eyein' it up at bookstores across the nation. So that's pretty cool. Wait 'til you see Tokyo!

This note, written to my grandparents after a much earlier birthday. Turns out I've always liked magnifiers.

A dark blue QRANK score. If you aren't playing QRANK yet you should be. If you're surprised that we have a googledoc to keep track of our daily scores, number of wins, monthly averages, and cumulative averages you shouldn't be.

A bloated Facebook wall. Remember when you liked Facebook? I don't.

A framed picture reference of the Presidents of the United States, from the Eisenhower administration. Papa Barnebey comes in with another classic.

Quinton Carter, on a shirt. And some sweet tix to the Oklahoma v. Texas Tech game with Big Mama Julia. Norman, OK—the Madison of the prairie land!

A KODAK mini video camera. Taylor & Grace, comin' through with some sweet digital technology. I can't wait to go swimming with it.

RoboRally: robot racing to the extreme [not pictured]. Besides being a talented road trip co-pilot, Joanna also makes it a point to stay tuned-in to the board game news circuit. Thank god somebody's doing it for us.

Scorpios in the house!

My Cold Left Hand

2010-11-02T15:37:00.001-04:00

I've always said I draw like I have 3 right hands. That's not how I ride my bike though. Which means I'm going to have to figure out what happened to all my L-handed mitt-bags pretty soon. These are all that I could find in my winter supply bag today.

Sometimes you have to break out the big cards.

2010-10-28T15:17:00.001-04:00

On the Way to the SkyLounge

2010-10-27T21:19:00.000-04:00

Just hanging out with my reflections. And David. At a wedding. Looking good.

Color Coded

2010-10-27T00:48:00.001-04:00

This plaid collection is really starting to come together.

Voulez-vous jouer Scrabble avec moi?

2010-10-24T17:29:00.000-04:00

Scrabble de Poche - I picked up this little treasure at The House of Thrift last Friday. I couldn't get inside of it until I got home, so I wasn't exactly sure what I was ending up with. Luckily, I like both good gambles and good gambols. Plus, it would've had to have been pretty disappointing to not justify the 99¢ outlay.

So what was in my little Scrabble packet? One complete French travel Scrabble set. All tucked neatly into a little pouch, perfectly sized to awkwardly fit into those big pockets of your high waisted jeans. Bonus: one more item to add to my growing collection of things manufactured in 1981.

I am missing one R, but I've got two extra blanks to make up for it. And a 10 pt. W. I call that Fair-Trade Scrabble. Like I always say, "Yes to more expensive Ws!"

The Greyhound Lifestyle

2010-10-19T14:56:00.001-04:00

Hanging out at a truck stop in Tomah. Drinking a High Life, playing Qrank, wearing a sweater. On a Thursday.

I Joined Them At The Same Time

2010-10-15T19:23:00.001-04:00

I'm pretty sure I threw my phone into oncoming traffic last night. I'm positive it was doing something stupid to deserve it though. And really, I probably should have done that a year and 5 months ago. Anyway, I think I'm over it like The Facebook, so I'm just going to hold phone hours from 3:00-4:00 PM from now until whenever. I don't where I'm going to be though, so just keep trying.

No really. Call me. Between 3:00 and 4:00.

Patch Peepin'

2010-10-12T16:45:00.002-04:00

It's fall, and one thing I love to do during the fall is to peep shit. I'll peep leaves, and lobsters for sure, but I'd never turn down a chance to head out to a patch and peep some pump's. Then this happened. It's like 19th century Ireland all over again.

Luckily there were 8 acres of Dino-themed corn maze to make up for it. You might not be able to tell but there's a T. Rex running away from an attack pterodactyl out there in the maize. Which is actually too much maize for a Saturday morning. We took our free admission wristbands and hightailed it out to the novelty acts; there's nothing that says autumnal like Lady Pumpkins and an old red tractor. What do you think she's looking at? My shoes?

And that tractor out in the apple orchard—perfect for double-sittin'.

But old machinery is really only made for two things, laying on and jumping from. Done & done.

What wagon are you riding this fall?

The Chuck Wagon

Dock Organisation

2010-10-12T12:36:00.002-04:00

Icons arranged in colour order. I going to have to change my Chrome icon to get it to fit in somewhere.

I Quit You

2010-10-08T15:58:00.001-04:00

I made the horrifying discovery this afternoon that I still had Entourage listed as a favorite television show on The Facebook when I got an update asking me what my favorite Drama quote was. I wish more shows were as timeless as elimiDATE.

You Flew Your Bicycle in My Window Last Night

2010-09-30T20:23:00.001-04:00

There's usually a single fly joyflying around my apartment at any given moment. Not two, just one. It's a bother sometimes, but I decided a long time ago that it wasn't enough of a bother to make me close the door to my porch. I don't care if it has a screen up top, I like it open. And if it means I have to deal with a fly, I'm okay with that.

Then a bird flew in last night. The night's game of Crapples2Crapples was over, but Rachel and Ross were still around when it happened. My first reaction was to get a newspaper. Russ took off his shirt. Rachel screamed. Who knew she was so skittish around avians? The newspaper and the t-shirt proved to be poor bird-herding implements, and after it had given us the slip a couple of times we paused, discussed our college degrees, and went and got a sheet. That finally worked, but not before the thing had started taking reverse kamikaze missions into the ceiling. My living room is covered with little sparrow-sized streaks of bird blood. I should have cleaned it last night while it was fresh—now I'm going to have to break out some more advanced scrubbing utensils. Which just goes to show you, a bird in the den is worth two brushes in your hands.

First Impact

Little Dirty Birdie Blood

The Red Scare

The, possibly, good news is that it did fly away once I tossed it out of the sheet. It may or may not of run into the building next door though. I couldn't tell, it was dark.

The bad news is that Rachel really is scared of birds:

A Wisconsin Circumnavigation

2010-09-29T00:54:00.002-04:00

One time my dad came to visit for a week. We started off by riding Hank & The General around Lake Monona, then we continued by driving 1,100 miles around Wisconsin. This is our story—and this is our route:

First up, the Driftless Region. Wyalusing State Park at the confluence of the wide, brown Mississippi River with the wide, brown Wisconsin River, is described alternately as Wisconsin's most scenic, most historic, or most varied state park. I choose least surprising. Here's the view from atop the bluff, but don't bother looking if you've ever seen the Upper Mississippi before.

On the upside, there was that monument to Wisconsin's last Passenger Pigeon. And the 1st in my series: Whitney Jumping Off Things in Wisconsin While His Dad Takes His Picture. And this great field of goldenrods. You can't argue with that.

Next up, La Crosse! Home to Wisconsin's best drinking water, and generally recognized as Wisconsin's prettiest city. At which point I told the guidebook, "Fool me once shame on me, fool me... you can't fool me again." It would continue to vastly over-sell its sights during the remainder of the trip, but I had its number now. Go ahead, call Granddad's Bluff "550 feet above the back haunches of La Crosse", without question the #1 scenic spot in western Wisconsin. I'll draw my own conclusions. Like how awesome that neon light eagle head up there is. Why aren't you talking about that guidebook?

From there it was north along the river. Surprisingly, we'd passed up the chance to walk "the longest main street in any town or village with only one street" back in Ferryville the day before. Even more surprisingly, Ferryville has more than 1 street.

We didn't want to give up the dream of the quaint riverboat town though, so we made sure to take in the sights of Trempealeau and the Great River Road State Trail via bicycles. It's been years since I've shifted gears, you know what they say about a derailleur, but I am a sucker for wooden bridges.

Actually I'm a sucker for almost all varieties of bridges. Perfect for jumping off.

Last up on the Mississippi leg—Pepin, WI, childhood home to Laura Ingalls Wilder and pre-blind sister Mary. Otherwise known as The Little House in The Big Woods. Most noticeably missing of course are the big woods. Which just makes me wonder, how long was that winter really, Laura‽

Inland, to Menomonie and beyond! Chequamegon National Forest holds ~~innumerable~~ inscrutable forest roads, one of which eventually leads to the trail to Morgan Falls ("the prettiest waterfall in the state") and St. Peter's Dome (i.e. Old Baldy). Waterfalls are only good for 2 things—jumping into and jumping on top of, and this one was only good for one of those.

Domes on the other hand are good for sitting on, looking from, and towering over. ✓, ✓, & ✓. I can see Superior from here! Joanna claims it's only her 2nd favorite Great Lake, but that presupposes that Lake Ontario actually is a lake.

Just look at these lake-cliffs. Sandusky's not going to give you any of that.

Don't think it's over yet though, 'cause it had just Michigan! [say it. out loud.] That's right, we went to Michigan. We didn't plan to. And it wasn't even the real Michigan, just its upper mitt. They lured us in with promises of virgin forests and words like Sylvania Wilderness, practically irresistible when from clearcut PA. It turns out my timing is lost in Michigan. Or in virgin forests. Or maybe on Fridays. I don't know what, but this is the closest I could get to a jumpshot up there.

Being Friday we needed to get back to Wiscosin though. The fish and the frying were waiting for us, or at least we thought they were. Green Bay had pulled out an unforeseen haute supper for us, foams and gelées included, but no fries. They obviously knew I was coming:

North central eastern Wisconsin proved to be a full load of jumping for the series though. Lambeau, De Pere, Winnebago... they all had one in 'em.

There was only one thing left to do; Milwaukee here we come. Challenges of all sorts ensued. A tomato challenge, a trivia challenge, a hammering challenge, and of course a typing challenge.

I won. Except for the tomato challenge, no one really won that. We all equally avoided rogue tomato shrapnel.

Taskmastering the Timer

2010-09-17T00:18:00.000-04:00

At the top of a waterfall in northern Wisconsin I learned to master my camera's timer once & for all.

A Moment of Reflection

2010-09-16T10:11:00.002-04:00

The last Wisconsin Passenger Pigeon was shot in 1899 at Babcock, WI. This monument commemorates its death 130 miles south east of the point at which it was shot. Though to be fair, it's only 103 mi. as the pigeon flew.

The Points: Data Driven Alcoholism

2010-09-11T17:12:00.001-04:00

There's a new game in town. Or, there was a new game in town last November that hasn't yet jumped the shark.

Goal: Earn more points than your friends/family members.

Play: Drinking before noon. Every chance you can.

Rules:

1. A player is to be awarded one (1) point for each drink consumed before 12:00 PM local time.

2. Drinks begun, but not finished, before 12:00 PM will also result in the awarding of one (1) point.

3. Drinks ordered before noon shall only be counted when begun before noon as well. If you cared about your standing in this game, you should have ordered it earlier or found a way to inspire faster service.

4. Drinks shall only be considered valid after a player has awoken with the intent of beginning the day. Drinks consumed at the end of an evening, regardless of the possible wee hour, shall not be counted. Neither shall a drink(s) consumed during an inter-REM period.

5. While on land or sea, a player shall be considered to have legitimately entered a new timezone at the moment in which they physically cross the internationally recognized timezone boundary.

6. While drinking in the air, a player will be considered to be in the timezone of their departure until one of the following has occurred:

a. the player has entered airspace directly above, or has landed in, the timezone of which their flight or flight segment will touch down.

b. in the case of overnight flights, the destination timezone shall be considered legitimately entered at the time at which the cabin lights are re-illuminated, thus simulating the dawn of a new day. NOTE: this is the lone instance in which a player may legitimately be considered in a timezone of which they are not physically in. Enjoy it if you can.

7. Although not required, drinks are traditionally named in an occasion appropriate manner. Strive to fit in.

The current tally has Evan & me battling it out for the lead. When you're ready to begin your own adventure just let me know, I'll add you your own personalized column. Don't be intimidated, even Katie is beating Taylor.

Sage Advise

2010-09-04T15:21:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning to the disappointing news that Evan had already gotten 3 points. It was the Red Bull Flugtag, so it's not like it was a surprise. And really, if you're gonna go to Camden in the morning, you're gonna need something to juice the goose. It was a harsh wake-up call though. And I knew there would be more to come. As the worst influence in my life often does, Evan once again drove me to the bottle before noon. I'm nothing if not competitive with my brothers, and that extra hour I've got in the Central Time Zone really does come in useful sometimes. Things were on an upswing as I accumulated a few conciliatory points and watched 2 of the best episodes of television I've ever seen. No really, go watch this week's Jersey Shore and The Real World right now. You'll never feel the same about watermelons. Or Ryan.

Then I cracked this cookie, read its fortune, and knew it was true. What a downer.

Katie, luckily, was warned to be less manipulative and more supportive today. I can't wait to see neither of these little yellow predictions come true.

Excerpts

2010-09-03T16:37:00.000-04:00

That last line might be the funniest thing to ever appear in TIME™.

Crapples2Crapples: Update II

2010-09-02T23:53:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to get the latest update to Crapples out for months now. It's finally happening—Booster Pack #2 is headed to the printers in the morning. A couple of highlights you can look forward to in your Crapples2Crapples future:

Typed Trivia

2010-08-31T20:50:00.001-04:00

Step 1: Choose your preferred edition of Trivial Pursuit™ (Genus II).

Step 2: Choose your preferred typewriter (Ezra Pound-Katie, Kevin Arnold-Whitney).

Step 3: Beginning with player on the left, draw card from front of deck, ask each of the 6 questions.

Step 4: All player type their answers as questions are read (N.B. points may be deducted for poor alignment &/or irregular margins).

Step 5: After 10 cards have been asked, pass answers to player on your right.

Step 6: Read answers aloud, allot 1 point for each correct answer.

Step 7: Lose to Whitney.

Round 1 - Head 2 Head Trivia (W-25, K-19)

Round 2 - Trivia 2.0: Back in the Habit (W-23, K-16)

Final Score: W-2, K-0

Framing Day

2010-08-24T19:02:00.002-04:00

Sometimes the big gold frame is exactly what you need to tie a whole set of family photos together.

Getting Off That Path

2010-08-24T13:56:00.003-04:00

A couple weeks ago we took Tommy Schwinn and Pierre The Peugeot down to Milwaukee's famous Granary District to see what Barnacle Bud's had to offer. His PBR tall boys were refreshing, his oysters on the half shell were impassive, and his live Swamp Pop was both swampy & poppy. But what really got us was that view! The best skyline east of the Mississippi, north of the Menomonee, and west of Lake Michigan. You're not going to find a nicer spot along the Kinnickinnic River, just be prepared for when you have to take that hard left turn off the normally beaten path.

The Beaten Path

Location of Barnacle Bud's

There's a new network in town.

2010-08-23T18:43:00.003-04:00

It Happened. Defeat.

2010-08-22T23:45:00.000-04:00

It's a Sing-Off.

2010-08-21T21:28:00.000-04:00

We are halfway there.

Concerned.

2010-08-21T11:09:00.003-04:00

Probably about where my nose went.

Makin' a Day of It

2010-08-21T00:43:00.001-04:00

At the beginning of August I found myself in Philadelphia, seven cancelled plane tickets to my name, and no distinct plan of how to get home. Katie was in a similar situation, but with fewer cancellations and more plans—The Train! It takes exactly 24 hrs and 7 mins for Amtrak to get you from Philadelphia's 30th Street Station to Milwaukee's Intermodal Station, so we decided to make a day of it.

It all started on a Wednesday afternoon a couple blocks from my parents house. At SEPTA's Queen Lane Station we climbed aboard the 12:09 R8—a commuter rail, the 1st of what wold become a long line of public transit. The 2nd came 24 minutes later as we pulled out of Philadelphia on Amtrak's Pennsylvanian, an inter-city rail. After a quick debate concerning our train drinking habits (covertly vs. overtly) we poured some whiskey into our iced tea and broke out the snacks on the train.

Snack #1: Hot Fries

Other activities included watching "Mad Men" episodes in classic sepia mode, brushing up on our advanced business short-hand, photographing America's train stations, snacking, eating, snacking, snacking, and then snacking again later.

Harrisburg, PA: A Capital City

Snack #2: Blow Pops

Lunchables: American-fare, more whiskey.

Snack #3: Goldfish (Flavor Blasted)

[Not Pictured: Snack #4: Beef Jerky]

Snack #5: Pretzel M&M's

8:05 PM: Pittsburgh and a 4 hour layover. Just the amount of time needed to add a couple more forms of transit to our repertoire, eat a home cooked meal, and debate the merits of wooden toilet seats vis-à-vis water transportation—The T across the river (light rail, our 3rd variety of rail!) and the Monongahela Incline up the hill (Funiculì, Funicular).

At 11:59 PM we boarded the midnight train to Chicago, fell asleep, and woke up in Indiana. I'm not going back to Indiana. In Chicago we breakfasted on coffee and bagels in the sun, saw a Schmaling, missed a Skoczen, and jumped on the Hiawatha headed north. Milwaukee, here we come.

The final route, in two pieces:

Are you getting a load of my cross-country train travel luggage? They're perfect for toting a month's worth of clothes or all 4 of your bowling balls.

When Sway Become 1

2010-08-19T23:44:00.000-04:00

It's a song as old as rhyme. Two 'ballers meet on the fast-pitch field—she falls for him, he falls for her—and it's only a matter of time until 2 Become 1. And we do a Sway about it.

Welcome to Sway Become 1:

More Plays; More Densities

2010-08-13T14:19:00.000-04:00

It's not like I'm going to stop talking about this awesome thing I came up with. The latest from the density factory:

A new hit:
Hot N' Fun (Ft. Nelly Furtado) - N.E.R.D.

An old hit:
I Want Love - Elton John

And a taste of what'll make it onto The Densitometer next week:
Bang Pop - Free Energy

List Master

2010-07-31T10:05:00.002-04:00

On a scale of 1-to-roommate, how excited would you be to live here?

Someone's a Hugger

2010-07-28T09:52:00.000-04:00

I've Always Really Liked Ice Cream

2010-07-24T12:22:00.002-04:00

I Went to Disneyland Once

2010-07-22T13:08:00.001-04:00

I don't remember anything.

A Man on a Mission:

2010-07-20T12:13:00.000-04:00

Graduate preschool.

My parents have been into recorders since college.

2010-07-19T18:25:00.001-04:00

2010-07-14T20:11:00.000-04:00

This is the only thing Taylor has ever worn of which I've been jealous.