To begin, I have a bit of commentary on the Essay Topic, "Prove how uncool you are", itself. I find this formulation suspect. Do we get a merit badge or something if we score high enough on the uncoolometer? And more importantly, who's operating the uncoolometer. Hopefully not the lame-oids that created this list that Lucia found:

I got a list on some x-box internet site from teenage boys (it includes many many many references to their genitals), sunglasses, a good cell phone, listening to cool music, a MySpace group that forces you to prove how cool you are, and then a discussion of some book called The Tipping Point on how new ideas become widely accepted.
Because that's not very cool. Anyway, my point is that when 'cool' has come to mean 'uncool' and 'uncool' has become something you prove yourself as being so that you can be cool, we are in a strange place. That being said, I'll play along.

1. As has been hinted at before, I'm a geographile. I can recite the capitals of the 50 states, the 13 Canadian Provinces and Territories (although the new one Nunavut still causes me problems sometimes), and pretty much all the national capitals of the world (with the exception of the Lesser Antilles and Oceania, because really, that's just too many islands to keep track of). I also really enjoy maps. This is uncool because being cool requires that one maintains an aloof superscilious attitide towards all things (except one's appearance) at all times. By learning capitals and studying maps I have demostrated interest in things outside of my immediate. -5 cools

2. I found the use of 'can' as a bare verb in both Lucia's and 11Frogs' posts exciting. It's not cool to get excited. Especially about verbs. -6 cools

3. I do the NY Times crossword everyday, even though after Thursday I can rarely finish. Not only is the NY Times not cool (lack of aloofness), newspapers themselves aren't cool (too learny), nor is continuing to do something you can't succeed at cool. -4 cools

4. I know that the grammaticality of the following sentences means that I have unrestrictive quantifier binding:
Every boy's sister opened his mail.
Alice talked about every director's report and his possible resignation.
and I am curious if they are grammatical for you as well (are they?). I'll just go ahead and say it, Linguistics isn't cool. -2 cools

Total: 17 points less than cool.


Joanna said...

Minus 17 is decidedly uncool which I believe brings you back into cool again. Nice try. "Too learny." You're like Colbert.
If you had worked the bassoon or your bowl-mullet into this, you might have succeeded.

tommy said...

1. Stating that it's not cool to get excited about verbs sounds like judging, which is something only cool people do.

2.I'd argue that the New York Times is cool, given that Maureen Dowd is one sexy, sexy, NILF.

3. I am cool.

wb said...

You're right, judging is cool. And I do it all the time. Which is why I didn't put it on my list.

Maureen Dowd is hot, but she's a little too overly-witty for her own good (or her own coolness).

And, for the record, coolness is rated on a 0-100 scale, so 17 below isn't really that uncool.

loud said...

I don't think you should question or judge the topic of the week...