Whitney, Damp

 Got caught in a thunderstorm Friday night.

Baloney 451

Anna came across this show last night. Originally we thought it was on channel 16, our God Channel, but that seems less likely now that I realize that while EWTN may be concerned with the same god, they're talking about different prophets. And, possibly, different processed meats. So it must have been channel 17, CMS-Madison, which is part home shopping, part exercise science, part bowling. And also doesn't have a functioning website. Maybe that's why they programmed a full hour of god-themed baloney grilling. 

How to Begin...

Pop quiz, hot shot. You've got one chance to slightly redeem an otherwise undistinguished night of Trivia by correctly identifying the novel which begins thus:

The great fish moved silently through the night water.

What, you can't decide? Better thumb wrestle for it then, time's running out. And also, too bad, because  both The Old Man and The Sea and Moby Dick are wrong anyway.

Moby Dick: 

Answer: Jaws

To be fair though, if we had had the complete first sentence that might have been a lot easier. We would have definitely said The Old Man and The Sea.

Lost in Translations

Have you heard? About the word? Google hasn't yet. Despite some minor routing mix-ups, my early adoption of Google Voice has been mostly amazing. I get that it has to go to space, and I'm totally willing to give it a second, but Google, your transcription factor is askew. Or askance. Or maybe it's gone awry. 

What do you think these friends were trying to tell me?

Have you done your atonements today?

Tommy, it's your new favorite song!

Everyday People - Sacramento Senior High School 1970

A Media Guide

Things I've hated:

1. Avatar

Fine, maybe I watched this at home streaming on my computer, but I did it specifically so that I could say with complete honesty, "those effects were terrible." That's not the point though. That storyline‽ You've been working on this thing for 15 years Cameron, and the best you could come up with was Dances With Wolves in Space? Great, you created a new element camera. You filmed in a volume. You're revolutionizing film. I don't care, I still fell asleep in the middle of your "climactic" battle scene.

Rating: 2 Ws

You're not that cool, Cameron.

2. Shutter Island

Here's the thing about Shutter Island, for the majority of its 137 minutes I was actively hoping Katie would pull a Cutter Island and save me from having to sit there for the rest of the movie. It's the 1st movie in a long time I considered walking out of. At one point somebody kicked the back of my chair, probably because my moans of despair were getting too loud. Original rating: 1 W. 

Here's the thing though, for as much as I hated it while I was there, it's been a continual topic of conversation and frequent butt of jokes. Talking about that mobile lighthouse, the insanity of smoking their cigarettes, the ending that is literally spelled out for you on a whiteboard; it's made it completely worth it! And of course, it was the inspiration for our original movie, Otter Island. 

Final Rating: 6 Ws & a V

Please end it/me.

3. Finale of LOST

Another confession: nothing during the first 5 seasons of LOST ever made me want to watch this show. Still, I knew the basic storyline from everybody else I know talking about it all the time. I watched season 6 because everybody else was. And then I started season 1, because, well, I was watching season 6. By the time the 8 hour finale rolled around, I'd seen up through the mid-4th season. Does that disqualify me from complaining about how the finale ended? Maybe, but I don't care.

Here are two possible changes that would have left me feeling satisfied with the finale:

a. Cut the entire flash-sideways storyline out of season 6.

Why? LOST spent six years building up the importance of this island. It was about individual choice and free while and redemption and polar bears, but always as they affected, or were affected by, this island. Because the fate of the island was the fate of humanity. Or something. Then in the last 20 minutes of the finale we find out that's not really what the show is about. It's actually just about these people, or maybe just this one person, finding each other again and walking into the light. Walking into the light‽ Are you kidding me? You win, we've all been punk'd.

So, instead, cut the entire flash-sideways and we get a show about the island again. Good beats evil, the island is safe, Jack is dead, the series actually means something.

Or,
b. After Jack's flying death-punch, when you cut to commercial, don't come back from commercial. 

Why? Because anything could happen, the fight between Good & Evil isn't over yet! And we don't have to watch that amazingly bad last scene in the Church of a Couple of Religions.

But here's the real reason why I hated it. For the last 3 or 4 years the writers knew when this show was ending. They had all the time in the world to set up that ending exactly how they wanted it. And apparently they did, because they won't shut up about how they're so grateful they got to end the show on their terms and how proud they are of the conclusion. And so:

Rating: 0 Ws

6 years for this?

4. Treme

Treme. I don't even care enough to write anything about you. Read this instead, it's exactly how I feel.

Rating: 1 V, plus 2 Ws for your music = 2 Ws & a V

Add caption

Things I've Loved:

1. How to Train Your Dragon

DreamWorks! Your continuing commitment to Madagascar has really hurt your rep. Hopefully you're not surprised to be America's 2nd favorite animation studio after such hits as Bee Movie and Over The Hedge. But here's something to make you feel better: on the way out of How to Train Your Dragon we were pretty sure we had just seen a Pixar production, based solely on how much we had loved it. You're welcome. In conclusion, even if you have only half a heart, you'll want a dragon of your own by the end. It turns out I do indeed have at least ½ a heart.

Rating: 9 Ws & a V

Toothless! No!!

2. The Losers

Hi, Zoë. I saw you in this trailer and said, "she's doing everything I want to see her doing in this movie." Your ass-kicking, rocket-launching, & tequila-drinking brought me in; I stayed for the rip-roaring good time. The Losers was everything I'm hoping The A-Team will be, but probably won't. 

Rating: 9 Ws

Zoë! Yes!!

3. Quarantine

Two great things came out of this movie:

a. My first full-on scared yell since seeing Jurassic Park in the theaters in 6th grade. Not a jump, a gasp, or an "oh, shit!"; a full throated yell. It felt good.

b. Of all the possible apocalypses out there, I think I'd be most prepared for the zombie apocalypse. There may be some disagreement about the physical abilities of zombies, but here's the one essential piece of information we should all know by now: when faced with zombies or a zombie-like syndrome, you're going to need to SEVER THE HEAD. Don't shoot it in the heart, don't handcuff it to a chair, don't tie it down, just cut off its head. Also, avoid poaching eggs in the attic.

Rating: 9 Ws

Huaaaa!!!!!

Fruits in the World

I'll admit it, I enjoy watching inanimate objects undress. This little tableau showed up on this isn't happiness today. Look at all those little orange wedges, and a banana in heels? Now I've seen everything.

For a more in depth look into the hopes & dreams of a cupcake, spend 10 minutes of your day and watch this film by Kristen Lepore. You'll never look at squash in the same way.

Finding My gVoice

I'm always looking for new and exciting ways to have my life better documented by Google. I'm still a little confused as to what I'm actually supposed to be doing with The Wave, but The Reader is/should be an essential part of my/your lifestyle by now. No, really. If you don't have Google Reader set up yet, go do it right now, say you want to follow me, and I'll send you a bundle of things to look at. Add to that The Maps,  The Documents, The Internet, and The Search, and you've got a pretty complete gLifestyle already.

So what's next? Enter: The Voice. With one number to rule them all I can now, and forever more, be reached at: (215) 867-WHIT.

I've got some news for you:

Two can play at this game. I'm in the midst of my biggest Play Density reshuffling since version 2.0 was released. It's an exciting time over here. Surprises? Only one: how did Fembot not make it any higher up the list?

Fembot - Robyn

Dear Internet,

I know you've probably been worried about me, it's been awhile. What have I been up‽ Where have I been riding my bikes‽ What have I been jumping off of‽ And why haven't I been using my camera more often?

Before we get to any of that, I need you to look at this picture. It's been sitting on my desktop since our visit to Eastern State Penitentiary 2 months ago. Where did they get those tiny doll clothes, and what is that fan plugged into? And how does this relate to the Army of the Twelve Monkeys? These questions may not be keeping me up at night, but they are occupying my time.

"Unidentified inmates pass the time, c. 1955. The meaning of their project has long been forgotten."

In other news, despite Joanna's and my vastly different approaches to risk-taking, specifically regarding UV-A/B, we both show up as the same color when we're in Milwaukee dancing.

I am at least twice as likely to injure myself while playing Dizzy Bat though.

And finally, I'd like to leave you with a sobering note I received in the mail last week: