Black Snake Bemoaned

Last night while sitting in a theatre watching Black Snake Moan I was thinking about a few things. Long time readers may have noticed that I tend to make lists when I blog, I had similar tendencies in .plans.

1. The Flag Code. A shot of Old Glory on J.T.'s left shoulder got this one going. David, having earlier ID-ed Justin upon sight of the tattoo on said left shoulder, was suspicious of its stars-forward placement. Fairly certain this was indeed the correct positioning, I needed an explanation why. So I mulled. Mulling is a tricky process. If done with the wrong ingredients or without proper supervision it can go horribly wrong. This was not one of those cases. My conclusion, flags on moving vehicles (or persons) should always be blue first, as if blown by the wind, was confirmed here.

2. Later in the movie I began to wonder why we were even here. I had satisfied myself that there was no controversy regarding the flag, it had been at least 20 minutes since I had seen Christina Ricci's knockers, the plot was slowing, and I was getting bored. After a rowdy scene at the local juke joint my mind wondered to dancing. Inspired by the sweat filled, alcoholic, frenzy of jive-goodness on the screen, I began recalling my Top 10 dance moments. The following should be viewed as a stream of consciousness listing rather than a ranking:

i. A BSU party at Rochester attended with Lounsberry in the winter of 2001. Although I did not attend a large number of BSU parties while at Rochester, the ones I did go to were always quite enjoyable. This one stands out because of the critical mass that was reached early in the night, the unusually high ratio of hot chicks with big hair, and the realization at one point in the evening that a circle had formed spontaneously around Sarah and I and most of the party was watching us dance. Hot.

ii. Late fall of 2006, somewhere south of Regent St., Madison, WI. This was a WI crew event, meaning it involved a bunch of girls who were younger than me, but didn't know it. The house was quite literally packed with people, there was a lot of dancing, which induced an extreme amount of sweating among all involved. Girls' tops were transparent (or missing), guys' shirts were off. A freshman madeout with me. Then I lost my jacket.

iii. August 2005. Porto, Portugal. At a club on the edge of the city, Northern Portugal's young and attractive came to party. The Barnebey Boys, Lounsberry, and one Nerdess followed them. Unfortunately what happens in Portugal stays in Portugal. I will say this, similar to (ii) above, my shirt came off and I was thoroughly sweat through.

iv. December 2006. Victor's Tavern, Germantown, Philadelphia. Victor's Tavern is the local watering hole in the neighborhood of the Barnebey Homestead. Surprisingly, it had not been frequented until Thanksgiving of this year. This is a point that all of us have struggled to explain satisfactorily, without positive results. On this occasion, as is known to happen at Victor's, there was a full spread of home cooked soul food. Fried chicken, greens, pasta salad, mac & cheese, pasta salad; the works. It should be noted that at this point, as was common in our early years, the Barnebey Boys' rosy skin tone was not to be seen on another face in the place. This was probably true for a radius of several miles actually. Nostalgia always induces good times. Soon the dancing started, and while fairly tame as compared to many of the other events listed here, I, as the dancing white boy, was a hot commodity.

v. June 1999. Marlo Fiovanti's graduation party, South Philly. As one of the last in a week full of high school graduation parties, Marlo's was well anticipated and attended. This was The Class of 1999's last hurrah before graduation and the summer that followed. The dancing lived up to expectations. I am fairly certain that this party also introduced the world to Whitney's signature move, setting the stage for all future moments when I would end up laying on my back in the middle of the dance floor.

vi. Halloween 1999. Chambers 410, Univ. of Rochester. The crew halloween party. The memories of this are sketchy but I do remember dancing alot, and with the girl formerly known as Amanda. This was slightly awkward since I was dressed as a woman. More awkward was Vlad dressed as a woman in his girlfriend's high heels and Dunham dressed as a woman with jolly ranchers for nipples. Ezti was also dressed as a bee which was pretty awesome at the time.

vii. December 2001. Beirut, Lebanon. After spending the previous 4 months in Egypt, Beirut seemed like the a really really good looking version of Gomorrah. Realistically the dancing was restrained at best, with plenty of room for at least 3 Holy Ghosts. In our hijab distorted minds though this was a whore house. A beautiful, dancing whore house. Oh, and it was in an old bomb shelter too.

viii. May 1998. Florence, Italy. During my junior year in high school we took a school trip to Italy. In Florence we stayed with host families who had kids our age. On a Saturday night they took us out to the Discotheque on the back of their Vespas. Overloaded with hot Italian chicks, and me only 16, this was obviously a really good time. This was also my first introduction to the European white pant. One of the the girls hosting a friend of mine was wearing them that night, along with 95% of the other girls there who weren't in hot pants or mini skirts. She was hot, we danced. And the white pant has forever held me in its sway.

ix. July 1999. The Left Bank, Paris. In a basement jazz club somewhere in the Latin Quarter 6 Americans met the French.

x. October 2000. Kendrick 320, Univ. of Rochester. This was the first of several cage parties held that year. The party was very well attended and the 'cages' were put to good use. Their novelty encouraged experimentation on the dance floor as well. It was a good party. At its conclusion, Vince was passed out on the dance floor, arms splayed as if on a cross, and Dunham had to be dragged out of the suite.

Don't go see this movie.


The Moderatilist said...

What if they're running backwards or doing a dive roll? I think the only real way to remedy Old Glory orientation is to have a small pole attached to each soldier's helmet with a tiny little piece of America attached on a swivel.

do NOT see BLACK SNAKE MOAN. just search the web for pictures of Christini Ricci's ta-tas and you'll be all set.

Alex said...

You forgot April 2006 - Adog destroys the Fuzz in a dance off in Minneapolis followed by a hotel pool and bar break in, and a slight altercation with the other Fuzz.