Vag on Wheels

Saturday night the roller derby was in town. And we were at the roller derby, surrounded by an eclectic mix of lesbians, hula hoop artisans, neon lights, a surprising number of cougars, a gorilla, and one almost naked fat man. I don't know how many people reading this have been to a roller derby, but it's quite an interesting event. Perhaps most interesting was the mob of people waiting to get into the arena an hour before the thing was supposed to start. I, as has become my habit of late, was not wearing a winter jacket, despite the temperature being in the teens.

Ostensibly, the action of roller derby itself consists of two teams of 5 women each circling a small flat track roller rink trying to get pasteach other. The real action comes when girls with names like "The Dutch Oven", "OctoPushy (#007)", "Harlot Brönte", "Backdoris", and "STank Girl the Stench Wench" stop being polite and start getting real. In addition to the women on women action during the bouts, there was halftime entertainment. First, hulahoopers (in from Chicago) did amazing things with their hoops. Then, in the mascot olympics, Snack (a fat pseudo-naked man in leather hot pants and chains) and Kid Electric (an 8 year old with ADHD, a pitchfork, and glo -sticks), among others, went head to head on the skate floor. Whoever thought a hyper 8 year old clothed in a green smock and tights would be a good mascot for a roller derby team was a genious.

Later, while running home from a bar, I came across the gayest fight I have ever seen. As I crossed Gilman a crowd poured out of the Blue Velvet to watch two guys yell and slap at each other. The fights at the roller derby were much more hard core than that.