For Realzies

I was in the kitchen tonight making some dinner-pancakes; in the background the Democratic Convention played. There was a lineup of "everyday people" talking about why they're voting for Barack. Roy Gross started it off:

My name is Roy Gross. I’m a proud member of Teamsters Local 299 in Detroit, Michigan. When I was a young man and wanted to start a family, I went to Detroit and landed a job as an automobile transporter. I delivered new cars from the assembly plans to dealerships around the country.

It was a great job, a Teamsters union job. You worked hard and it paid good wages, plus health care and pension. I worked there for 18 years. Working class families were doing well in Detroit until the Bush Administration took office, then everything changed [Emphasis added].

Really? That's when things started going downhill in Detroit?

German(s) is(are) Funny

I was just on the pooper catching up on my TIME reading (it's my preferred pooping reading material) when my normally staid browsing was interrupted by: 

I went to get my car washed. In Germany, you drive through a tunnel, and there's water coming from all sides. I was sitting in my car, and I said, "Yes! This is the idea! I will try this with a condom."

Of course it was a German exclaiming this. While explaining how he had come upon the idea for spray on condoms. This interview with Jan Krause would probably be amusing in English, but in German it's hilarious. So is his official title: Kondomberater, which I think comes out to something like Condom Advisor. 

Doesn't that spray job look fun? Just makes you feel like having some sex. Some drippy yellow sex.

55378008

Yesterday I had a talk with my advisor. It got me thinking about my academic career. So I made a graph:

A Public Service Announcement

Do you know who Amara Karan is? Why not?

Last week I watched The Darjeeling Limited for the first time. It was also the first time I came across Amara. She plays Rita, the train's stewardess. She wears glasses, and when no one's watching, smokes out the window.





A post-movie google turned up her one other acting credit, St. Trinian's (in theaters now! In the UK) and her Oxford University/investment banker background. In my mind she's sort of a British Sri Lankan version Natalie Portman*, which makes her really hot. I found a bootleg version of St. Trinian's and watched it all the way through. Don't do this, but do expect more Amara Karan in your life. Here's a little starter package:

*This might be due to Natalie Portman appearing in various states of undress in the little prologue thing, Hotel Chevalier. Now they're undressing is forever linked in my mind, which I'm pretty OK with.

Fine. 90's Email Chain

90's Email Chain

90s email chain
90s email chain


WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?: Whitney Howard Barnebey III

NICKNAMES?: W, Dubs, Whitters, Whitty, Quitney

SINGLE OR TAKEN?: Taken with myself.

BIRTHDAY?: Nov. 16th, 1981. Exactly 16 days before Britney Spears.

ZODIAC SIGN?: Scorpio, the Mighty Scorpion of the Sky. In Chinese though I'm a Cock (a.k.a. the Rooster).

AGE: 27 (Well, technically 26 until November.)

HAIR: dirty

WHERE DO YOU LIVE: West Side! But my heart's in G-Town.

WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: pink striped boxers

WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?: Investigating the history of kwaito.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU DID?: the crossword

WHAT IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU: 2 cameras, two ipods, a cellphone, 3 watches, 4 Time magazines, 1 GQ

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU ATE OUT WITH?: The bachelor party, at The Log Cabin.

IF U WERE A TOY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: This is where I start hating this thing every time I read it.

WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?: That's assuming I get married.

WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH?: If you mean who do I want to marry, just say that. Otherwise I'd take my Top 10 Friends.

HOWS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?: lamest. question. ever.

LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?: Tim, the NY Times Customer Service Representative

LAST PERSON YOU TEXT: Schwenzilla - "Magna Carta - 1215"

DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?: We all know nobody sent this to me. I finally took it from The Kee because I wanted all of you to suffer through another response, like I keep having to do.

WHAT DO YOU THINK A TOBLERONE IS?: Good melting chocolate for fondue.

U WEARING RIGHT NOW?: I don't respond to random strings of words.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?: I don't know whose eyes I got, but they are not The Barnebey eyes, which usually start to fail around the age of 10. Except for a brief period in 2003 when I though I might be going blind, they have always been perfect.

WHO DO CONSIDER YOUR CLOSEST/BESTEST FRIEND?: David Herman. But if you want to make this interesting why not ask me to rank my top 10?

WHAT WAS THE BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO YOU?: "Don't get fat." - Vince Polino

DO U OWN A VEHICLE?: I used to own a light blue 1995 Plymouth Voyager. It died in the Fall of 2005. It's still hard to talk about. Now I own an early '80's Fuji with yellow handlebar tape.

HAVE YOU EVER WON A SPECIAL AWARD?: UR Crew Best Dancer 2000, UR Crew Worst Dancer 2001

WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS?: Write some papers, not get kicked out of school. Or, not write any papers, get kicked out of school, hike the Appalachian Trail, move to New Zealand.

FAVOURITE FOOD?: The Wisconsin Dogg, brussel sprouts.

FAVOURITE FILM: Old School. No, Dancer in the Dark. No, Requiem For a Dream. I don't know.

LAST FILM YOU SAW AT CINEMA?: the dark knight (the 2nd time, in Milwaukee)

FAVE BOYS COLOGNE: I have a naturally intoxicating scent.

FAVE GIRLS PERFUME: Why did we stop getting question marks?

DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?: I love to dance. I also love to lay on the floor and call that dancing.

ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK ANYONE OUT?: No, but don't expect too much out of me.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR NAME TO ANTHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: karate katie

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Many times. I fell in love with Danforth Dining Center during the Fall of '99. It broke my heart the next year, but I eventually also had serious relationships with Pete's Diner in Philadelphia, Ian's Pizza, and a pair of jeans. I've been in a fulfilling, committed relationship with cheese since I was 17.

WHAT IS THE MOST STUPID THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?: "this email chain."

DO YOU LIKE SCARY OR HAPPY MOVIES?: Unless it involves a LOOM OF DESTINY I'll probably like it.

CHRISTMAS OR EASTER?: Thanksgiving, Barnebey-style

LOVE OR LUST?: I don't think we really need to put a label on it.

KISSES OR HUGS?: Someone once told me I was a good kisser and I did not return the compliment. I hug on occasion.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE: Anything? My ability to fly?

WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR PYJAMAS: I don't do that.

WHAT COLOUR’S YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?: yellow, or blue. I also have my eyes on a green one right now.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS QUIZ?: Every time I read it my dislike for it, the internet, and the British increases. But that reminds me of Arrested Development and then I feel a little bit better.

DO U WANT UR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK?: YES!!!

WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND: The creepy guy upstairs.

WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: God

FAVE PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?: The way they act like they're better than us.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Losing.

WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?: Recently? "I need to turn on some Zola."

ROLLER COASTER, SCARY OR WICKED??: New England and Olde England both make fools of themselves by using 'wicked' like this.

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LET THE PHONE RING BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT?: At least 4. I don't want to seem too available.

IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Akhenaten. What was really going on during the 18th Dynasty anyway?

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB IN THE WORLD WHAT WOULD IT BE: Mass Transit Czar / Resident Cook / Map Reader

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Does it matter? It's not like I'm not going to drink it.

WHATS YOUR FAVE NUMBER?: 3 is nice, so is 7, but 81 is just amazing.

ROOT BEER OR DOCTOR PEPPER?: Birch Beer, with a splash of Cherry Coke.

MUD OR JELLY WRESTLING?: And this is where I just get really tired of this thing.

SKIING OR BOARDING?: Who cares. Skiing

DAY OR NIGHT?: Yin

SUMMER OR WINTER?: Yang

CAKE OR PIE?: this cake

SILVER OR GOLD?: NA

HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A BONE?: A fractured wrist after going head first off the 2nd floor balcony.

DO YOU WEAR RINGS?: No. Rings are the second leading cause of lost fingers in America, right behind saws.

DO YOU HATE ANYONE [?]: That damn bear that thinks he owns the unit block of S. Carroll Street. People who don't think like me.

ARE YOU LOUD OR QUIET [?]: Am I playing Flip Cup?

DO [yo]U BELIEVE IN YOURSELF [?]: I believe everything about myself.

I do stuff on the weekends...

This week was Gonzo's Bachelor Party in the Baraboo/Wisconsin Dells Greater Metropolitan Area. The Gnome and a Hula-Hoop came with us. There was an epic Keg Kick Ball game, and most surprisingly, nobody died.

Thanks Joanna 2.0

The first bite was trixie. I came back to it a day later and couldn't get enough of its bacony parts in and around my mouth.

Thanks Joanna.

Joanna put one of this guy's songs on her xojojo mix CD. It's sort of changed my life, I listen to him every morning. Also, I expect Alex will really dig this. I'm trying to build e-bridges.

Maine Menu

You've probably already seen pictures, and maybe pictures, of the latest Barnebey (and Friends) Vacation. The '08 event was located in Maine and featured a week of Ethnic Eating Events (EEEs) as well as The Barnebey Family Olympics on Friday. Despite getting egg on my face, the Olympics were a good time. Except for the Speed Scrabble event, which is my least favorite variety of Scrabble. That was a terrible experience.

What we're really most proud of though is the menu:

The Postman; Who Knows How Many Times He'll Knock

Ye Olde United States Postal Service and I have always had a somewhat hot and cold relationship. Luckily for them I'm a sucker for stamps and really like to mail things. I mean the actual mailing action, like putting envelopes or postcards(!) into mailboxes. I like it. Also, the little socialist in me likes a diktatorial national institution. The downside is that sometimes they deliberately try to keep you from getting your mail. For instance:

The Bait and Switch:
This episode began about 3 weeks ago when Il Postino tried to deliver a package to me while I wasn't home that needed a signature. Then he tried again 3 days later and left me a final notice. Which usually only comes after 3 attempts. The ingenious part of this plan though was switching the postal station were holding my package at for no apparent reason and no significant notification. This package was being hid at Madison's West side station, instead of the South side station which is both closer to my apartment and where I have always picked up my undelivered packages. Touché USPS, touché. You succeeded in returning my package to the sender before I could get to it, 1 point to you.

The Scavenger Hunt:
Today brought a new and exciting game to the mail delivery system. My mail (for apartment A) was delivered to Apt. C's mailbox. I got Apt. B's in my box, and I can only assume that Apt. B got C's mail (although I couldn't verify this due to a locked mailbox). I'm dying to know what ended up in Apt. AA! My postal game wasn't over yet though. I had been forewarned that I may be receiving an important package from Iowa City today, so I was on the lookout for it. Which is lucky because it was hiding on the 2nd floor landing, 2 stories above my apartment. Nice try Postman but I win this round.

Weariness

Last night found us at The Weary Traveler for another in a series of send-offs for Tommy and/or Megan. A rousing game of Apples to Apples followed dinner. The cards were well worn and had a more than faint hint of vomit. Or maybe it was just the years of accumulated dried beer and hand sweat. Either way, they made your hands stink. The game involved a number of completely inappropriate plays. Here we see Megan, while judging SQUEAKY CLEAN, left with no choice but to award the card to MUD.