Let's Talk About Blogs, Baby.

It's taken me a little while to find my words about last weekend. Now that I've got them though I'm going to use 'em.

The weekend started in The Kee Friday night for Schmatie's Sweet Sixteen Party. There were plenty of Scwepp's, Spark's, and Silver Bullets to go around; some were even convinced to take some Schitty Bombs, a drop shot of root beer schnapps in a pint of Schlitz. There's a reason they're known as Schitty.

Highlights included floor-dancing [below], drinking from the squirrel mug, an inexplicable power outage late in the night, and breakfast the next morning.

We couldn't waste too much time though, Joanna was due to show up in Madison in the near future. Ostensibly, she was coming to see me and/or make up for missing Katie's birthday. In reality it was because Sealander had made a spur of the moment 12 hr drive [add 15 minutes if you want to take the Canadian route] from Rochester, NY.

We got to Madison with plenty of time to make the 7:30 showing of Coraline in 3D ["The best movie I've seen all year(!), in 3D."]. The collection of child stealing she-demons, evil schnauzer-bats, button eclipses, and disturbingly proportioned body parts probably should have bumped this into the PG-13 category.

[Look at that turkey neck!]

Although we were excited about Sundance's amazing smoothies and wide variety of popcorn toppings, the thing that really made the trip worthwhile was the realization as we wandered back to the car through The University Bookstore that here lied the elusive and highly sought after Le Pen®.

[Katie, with pens]

After 15-20 minutes spent enjoying the wide assortment of colors and styles we made our decisions and began brainstorming things we could label with our new Marvy® products. We spent Sunday morning sitting in comfortable chairs, drinking coffee, and labeling maps.

[Canada, Europe, Africa, & the Periodic Table]

This may not seem like a fun time to you, but it is for us. I even played it on my birthday. There were some significant realizations too, namely: the relative positions of Whitehorse vis-á-vis Yellowknife, the capital of Macedonia (Podgorica), the location of The Orange River, Rutherfordium(!). Our mood was only enhanced when Joanna finally showed up. It didn't matter that she was 3 hours late; she came bearing gummy candies, cheese curds, a bottle each of Templeton Rye and goats' milk, an amish pickle, and a bag of frozen berries.

We immediately left for breakfast with Sealander and Brad. A Breakfast Scrabble event ensued in which FEAR-BONERTUB-SKI (a Polish container designed to hold fearboners) intersected INCHOATE-DRIHUMPER (a registered trademark for a person just at the onset of a dry humping act).

After breakfast we walked next door, purchased 4 bottles of cheap champagne, a 4-pack of sparks, and 4 40s. Later we picked up 2 gallons of orange juice. Then began an epic day of gaming, mimosas, and egg breaking. We started with a polite game of Jumbling Towers, moved on to a short-lived game of Bridge, progressed to an epic game of Apples to Apples To Go (100% New Card Content!), and finished the night off with a rousing game of Balderdash. Later in the night we played 4-Square egg toss in the street and read about how to squeeze an egg without breaking it.

Life skills that we learned:

➊ the correct ratio of champagne to orange juice is 4 bottles : 1 gallon.

➋ when betting shots of whiskey on your Apples To Apples cards, it is impossible for both of your cards to be picked first. If you bet on them both, you will lose. There is no other outcome.

➌ the White Kentucky [Iowan whiskey and goats' milk] ruins both the whiskey and the goat's milk.

➍ if you forget which definition you submitted during a round of Balderdash, and then proceed to vote for your own answer, you will be awarded one shot of whiskey by the DrinkMeister.

➎ it's completely possible to squeeze an egg without breaking it. But it only works with white eggs, and when you have paper towels handy.

What did you do learn last weekend?

Brought to you in association with:

Rumspringa: Or, How I Lost My Hair But Kept My Pride

"Would you rather be a Mormon or an Amish?"  - Schmatie

Did you know Iowa City is deep in the honey pot of both? We weren't that interested in building handcarts and walking to Utah but the Amish had cheese curds, cheap herbs, and butter powder to sell to us.

Just as long as you keep your hands out of their meat jar. The Amish don't play that. Unless of course it's during Rumspringa, the Amish spring break. Then anything goes; hand in the meat jar, meth addiction, bed courtship, even buttons are kosher during Rumspringa. The Devil's Playground left us with a lot of unaswered questions (where does a rebelious Amish teenager get a car from?) and a lot of pride in our post-8th grade educations. Which is exactly what the Amish are worried about in the first place.

After a day full of prideful activities, we had some penace to do.

To atone for my normal day-to-day vainglory (see above) I let two Natural Nnackers -in-training have a go at my hair,  which had been fast on its way towards feathered coif status. Now it comes in Pony-Hawk or Yoder Bowl options.

I also realized that I'd been wearing button-fly jeans all day:

Katie finally gave into her deepest desires and pulled the trigger on the Snuggies purchase. Which, as it turns out, is actually Amish approved loungewear.

Then of course there was Joanna and her gaudy triple-dessert birthday Pastry Duel. What better way to piss off those pacifist Amish than to host a duel with 3 entrants? And look how proud she is of that mud filled profiterole too. She might as well have put up a lightning rod.

Meanwhile, I was busy matching my tie and sweater to the cupcakes. My profiteroles might look like shit but I can still make a v-neck look good, even without any "fancy" cardigan buttons.

 

Then there's Nick's pie; its blueberries all fattened up and juicey. If that's not prideful I don't know what is.

Happy birthday Joanna.

Happy Birthday from wbarnebey on Vimeo.

For Leigha

Two Barnebey Brothers shotgunning Coors Light, one drinking a glass of wine (he was legally obligated to drink a full drink of something, à la Barnebey Brother Rule II, § iv).

Notice the time stamps. It may be PST, but it totally counts.

Happy Holla-dayz.

Price Check: He's 27

If you're reading this blog, you already know: I'm 27. It happened saturday night, sometime around 11/10 central. I passed that milestone alone, on my old curried leather couch, with some chinese takeout and a small leather pillow by my side. It was a reflective moment; a lot of really good things had happened over the past 30 hours:

☜ Joanna had acquainted me with another alternative menstruation device (A.M.D.), the PIMP. Only slightly less revolting than the Moon Cup, and just as terribly named.


"The fun colors and patterns keep me looking forward to the next party..."

☜ There had been a world geography quiz, allowing me to revel in one of my talents (i.a. geography/capitals, parallel parking, shellfish).

The winning entry, submitted by Schmatie, was lost in or around The Essen Haus. Instead, here is Martin's 2^nd Place submission. Africa, along with Eastern Europe and Central Asia, proved to be significant stumbling blocks for most in attendance. Not to worry, I'm currently working on a study guide to help with these problem areas.

☝ Beets!

☞ Beards, corduroy, jackets, elbow patches, ties, & sweaters. All in one place.

☝ A group march across Monroe St., with flags.

☜ Things in my 'stache.

Girls in 'staches. ☞

☝ Beer in boots; eye patches.

☜ A price check at the dollar store involving 2 cashiers, a trip back to the item's aisle, and at least 5 minutes. Turns out that cup was $1. Just like everything else in the store.

Final status of birthday 27: success.

Surprise Parading

Around midnight central time Madison, WI broke out in spontaneous celebration.

Spontaneous Parading from wbarnebey on Vimeo.

And after a lap around State St. we liberally congratulated ourselves:

Tunnel of Love from wbarnebey on Vimeo.

Raw Emotions.

Where are we? This isn't it. from wbarnebey on Vimeo.

I do stuff on the weekends...

This week was Gonzo's Bachelor Party in the Baraboo/Wisconsin Dells Greater Metropolitan Area. The Gnome and a Hula-Hoop came with us. There was an epic Keg Kick Ball game, and most surprisingly, nobody died.

Notes from Philadelphia

I've been here for a week and a half already, and still haven't finished any papers. As far as I know I'm still a student at the University of Wisconsin, but I also might not be.

Anyway, some other things have been accomplished:

1. Wednesday night a Barnebey family meeting was called. We met at The Urban Cafe over dinner. Here's a postcard:It may look like it's in the middle of the Cultural District of Germantown Philadelphia, but infact, there is no Cultural District of Germantown Philadelphia. Instead it's across the street from the former neighborhood middle school, and between the chinese takeout place and the car wash. Not classy, but very Germantown. And there's always someone in there we know, somehow.

First on the agenda was the Barnebey Family Vacation 2008: Mucho Maine-o, which takes place the 1st week of August. Nobody really knew how they were getting there yet. Darcy's apartment figured prominently in several people's plans, although she didn't really know it yet. Surprise! We also finalized the menu for the week, which will be as follows: Maine Monday, Tuscan Tuesday, Oaxacan Wednesday, and French Friday. Next up, when is Welsh Wednesday occurring? Wednesday June 4th. Easy. And finally, what are we going to do with all the buffalo meat that the Morman contingent sent us? Answer, Wild West Wednesday, Wednesday May 28th. Here is Kermit, dressed for the occasion:Tap root beer and whiskey served as the drink for the evening, a surprisingly good mix. It has been christened an Old West. Try it. Also on the menu were biscuits, blue-cornbread, a spicy coleslaw, and baked beans, along with the buffalo steaks and buffalo burgers.

2. Memorial Day with the brothers was survived. See pictures and videos here of people you may or may not know, drinking and cavorting in The Poconos for 4 days. 7's, 11's, Double's was introduced to the group early in the weekend and proved to be a hit. Saturday we started the power hour at 11:30 AM. We drank a bottle of both Abosult APeach and Absolut Pears, which seems to be some type of Memorial Day tradition with these people. And finished a baby keg of The Golden Monkey, a 9.5% beer. Of course there were Keystone Lights on hand to aid in the completion of the Keystone Challenges. Being in the Keystone State, these were mandatory.

3. I baked a strawberry-rhubarb pie from scratch, preparing for my next career once I get kicked out of school.

4. Tonight, we will be cooking dinner on the wood grille for the 5th time this week. My greatest success!

Madison Metro Transit

12:30 AM: Walkout of Montmartre. Hit the Capital.
12:33 AM: "Where are you taking this auto[mo]bile?", Katie said. "Not vary [very] far", said the driver. "Perfect!", said Whitney. Where to? Down the street. Don't mind the MickieD wrappers. Are you a fan of the MD? Yeah well, I really like the $1 chicken sandwich! I like the chick fillet [fish sandwich]. Oh, can we get out here now?

Round 2:
"Where are you going?", "Over by Camp Randall", "Hop in."

[It turns out this guy was going to the East Side. And he had a tire in his back seat. But he still gave us a ride home. And he had the best music of the night. Which he blasted as soon as we got in the car.]

I will never call a cab again as long as I live in the midwest.


[Throwing it Old Skool, and bringin' the random rides to the MSN.]


P.s. Joanna, we had more fun than you. But we would have had more fun with you.

Drinking Up Stardust

This morning David woke up and said "I feel like I was touched by a star last night." It was a good summary. The Moresome Foursome had just reunited on the Left Coast for some fun, sun, and ethanol. Darcy is a drunkard, but other than that we really like each other. Oh, and raw food gets my rocks off. And then makes me dance like a maniac. A very sexy, dancing maniac.

What a nice weekend...

You know, I had a really good time this weekend. It was a little unexpected and so I'm going to tell you what happened.

Saturday started off with MILC, the Madison Informal Linguistics Colloquium. This is the annual Linguistics (and German) department's evening socialization event. It involves people making up fake abstracts to fake papers and then drinking a good amount of wine, beer, and punch. This would be fun if it wasn't with the Linguistics and German Departments, but it is. Anyway, this year was actually enjoyable. Conversation ranged from the stupidity of our 101 students, to mustache rides, muff divers, and finally if the punch should actually be referred to as WOP. Or if that was only a derogatory name for Italo-Americans. And then of course someone had to ask if the two uses were derivationally related. No one likes that kid. After a quick trip to see a professor playing in a rock band, it was on to the pajama party.

After a quick Clark Kent move in Tommy's room, I was in my galabeya and making wild assertions about my Flip Cup skillz. This led to a rousing game of the Flizzy Cizzy in the Creepy Attic. During one celebratory dance I lifted someone into the rafters. Don't worry, she did not crack her head open. At 4:00 AM I had an 80 min. conversation with Gabby.

I was going to talk about Sunday also. Now it's Tuesday though and I think the moment has passed. I did see a homemade pinata get cracked open by a Jimmy crutch and then spill its contents of tampons and disposable razors though.

Heavy, wet snow.

There is nothing better to build a snowball than heavy wet snow. But we'll come back to that. First we need to talk about the Text Message War currently being waged in WI.

It started last Wednesday night. The 21st of February. Mine was the first offensive move, a discrete text from a friend's phone sent without their knowledge. The content simple, 'I like you', the genius laid in the recipient. The blow back came Saturday during the send off of Rosemblat. A text came in from joanna reminiscing about my walk (and other, more personal things). Soon she was reading that I LIKE HER ALOT. Unfortunately for my adversary, that's actually true. And yes, in that way. What I was not counting on was an "I like you" texted several hours later, to a much more vulnerable target. It has yet to be determined what the long term effects of this latest "I like you" will be.

But back to the snow, and the snowballs. Close your eyes and imagine with me... It's 2:15 AM on a Sunday in Madison, WI. The city is in the middle of a blizzard. The roads are non-functional, the buses are not running, and it's bar time. The influx of warm, intoxicated bodies onto the street quickly results in an all out snowball fight between the two sides of State St. And what a fight it was. Now, I've been a part of some fairly large snow offensives in my time; Germantown is a tough neighborhood, not to mention the intensity of Scoggins' Ball, but this was of a new order. The perfect conditions of heavy, wet snow combined with a surfeit of enthusiastic participants produced the best snowball fight I can remember. I lost feeling in my hands on at least 3 occasions, nailed numerous targets (plus a bunch of defenseless girls), and took out 1 street light. That's a good Saturday night.